Comments on: Struggling to Spend Money on Myself

By: » Certainly Not a Frugal Decision One Frugal Girl

» Certainly Not a Frugal Decision One Frugal Girl — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 15:36:26 +0000

[...] want to thank everyone who commented on last week’s post Struggling to Spend Money on Myself. I’ve taken a lot of time over the past few days to consider my options. I thought long and [...]

By: Kay

Kay — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 14:08:46 +0000

I was a stay at home mom by chocie for 4 yrs before i started working. I fell into the same pattern as you and it was very depressing to not spend money on myself (as if i was not worth it).. it took me a long time to realize this pattern and make a conscious decision to get out of it.

It is very important to allocate a certain fun money / allowance for yourself to spend only one fun things.. if it doesnt get used in that month, add it to next month’s fun allowance.

I remember reading that you don’t get time of your own. maybe you might want to sue some of your fun money for a babysitter for an hour or 2 to watch your child while you get a massage or go shopping or work on a hobby.

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 19:29:33 +0000

I’m totally into the side hustle idea. It makes perfect sense to use what little money I make from blogging, survey taking, etc. to pay for things I want. My husband did talk to me about these things, but in all due honesty once he’s made up his mind about spending it’s more informing then discussing. Hmmm. Maybe that’s why I’m so annoyed by it!

By: Newlyweds on a Budget

Newlyweds on a Budget — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 19:39:53 +0000

I’m curious if your husband discussed these purchases with you before he pulled the trigger. Any time my husband and I spend more than a certain amount, we have to discuss it. There isn’t much wiggle room in our budget so if we need to make a purchase we have to figure out how we’re going to pay for it.
For a long time, most of my income was going to support my husband, and I would get bitter when he would spend money and yet I couldn’t even afford to go out to dinner with my friends. Nowadays, I use my side hustle income to pay for things I want–like our trip to Costa Rica (happening soon!) , my trip to San Francisco with my friends, and even clothes! I’m not taking any money away from the household budget, because that’s what my whole paycechk goes toward. But side hustle? that’s all mine.

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 17:43:04 +0000

Interesting thought. I think the working parent maintains more individuality by working outside of the home and thus sees more reason to spend money on his or herself. I tend to think more from a family perspective, because I am most often around my family.

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 17:40:51 +0000

Jen –

You hit the nail on the head with that SUV comment. We’ve talked about buying a new-to-us car many times, but there is always some reason or another to delay the purchase. Looking back on all that my husband purchased this spring and summer I realize just how much money we could have placed in our ‘car fund’.

I’m taking your advice and using profits from any little side gigs (like this blog), surveys, etc. as my ‘fun money’. It’s a great suggestion!

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 17:36:32 +0000

Thanks for the comment Joe. I follow similar advice when cleaning out my closets. I bring a friend or family member over and ask them what I should keep, buy more of or get rid of. I never thought about it in this example, but it sounds like an interesting and fun idea.

By: anexactinglife

anexactinglife — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 19:50:20 +0000

I found that being in a one-earner household totally changes the dynamics. The stay-at-home person typically spends on the house and family, while the earner usually feels they deserve some splurges. The Stay-at-Home makes a career of doing what is best for the household, while the other doesn’t spend as much time in the home and may be influenced by co-workers or by what other “professionals” have.

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 15:28:47 +0000

Interesting – I consider myself pretty frugal, and was a SAHM for 5 yrs (now part time), but I never really experienced this. I think part of the difference is that I gave myself “permission” to spend on an small allowance system, and that little bit I had to spend I gladly and joyfully did. However, this was the only $ I spent on myself – even for clothes and such that others might easily take out of monthly income. After about a year, the allowance morphed into, “whatever I can make on the side, I can spend on myself”, which included babysitting, online surveys/product tests, consignment sales, and most recently 25% of my husband’s yearly bonus after tax (he receives a similar 25% share). Even now this is all I take for myself, my real paycheck goes straight to the kids college fund and our “car fund”.
BTW, the husband (who earns almost 90% of our income) also does the weekly allowance thing for his personal spending, although his allotment is WAY bigger than mine ever was! We find it a great way to not ever disagree about our personal spending habits, while the majority of our $ is kept for the needs of the family and savings.
While it sounds like you guys are doing great, you may eventually need to gently reign in your husband’s style of spending if you continue down the SAHM path for a while. I have to admit, I added up the things he spent on this summer and my reaction was “that’s a quite decent preowned small SUV right there!”

By: Joe@IGotOuttaDebt.com

Joe@IGotOuttaDebt.com — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 15:08:39 +0000

I saw your blog on pfblogs feed on Yahoo and thought I’d take a look.. great post.

I can relate in a manner. My parents had no problem spending money. In fact, when I was growing up, I was completely unaware of how money worked. I started working at 13 on a paper route, and rather than saving money for later (which would have been a good parental lesson) I spent a crap-ton of my money on comics.. So, the relate ‘in a manner’ is kinda reverse. How to limit my self on spending money on myself, rather than NOT limiting it.

During our recent get out of debt effort, my wife & I kept a ‘fun money’ fund for ourselves. More of an allowance. While taking our $68k in credit card debt to $0, we put a little aside for ourselves. Start there. Create a ‘fun account’ and budget/plan some money into it.

Then, try to look at yourself objectively, like observing a stranger. Ask yourself what this stranger needs… new clothes, shoes, Kindles, whatever. (If that’s too difficult, ask a friend.. who you won’t get mad at for telling it straight). Have them do that exercise for you. That can create your list of things to treat yourself with. Work within the ‘fun money’ account you set up and see how that plays out.

Good luck.. and enjoy it!