Archive for October 16, 2012
Do You Ever Feel Resentful of Your Spouse?
Okay, here’s a question for you. If you work in an industry or job you don’t particularly love, but your spouse works in one they truly enjoy do you ever feel resentful? As a software developer I often worked with men who were the primary breadwinners for their family. They worked long days in less then enjoyable jobs because the pay was high and the benefits were stable. In the mean time their wives worked in lower paying fields that they enjoyed. Some of those men seemed downright miserable and others grew to resent the ‘easier,’ more ‘enjoyable’ life they believe their wives led.
Similarly I’ve known quite a few women who want their husbands to earn more then they do. A few of them resented spouses who couldn’t bring in larger paychecks and a couple who were divorced as a result of it.
As a stay-at-home mom a lot of other women now ask me if my decision to leave the workforce was made jointly with my husband. (The answer is: “of course it was”.) The follow up question is often whether or not that is working out for me and whether my husband has grown resentful of our decision.
I’ve been asked the question often enough that I’ve started to wonder how many husbands and wives feel resentful of their spouses choice of career or lack of one. If you trudge off to work every morning feeling miserable about your job I can see how you might feel resentful of a spouse who enjoys their occupation.
For a few years I made more than my husband, for a few we earned relatively similar salaries and for the last five or so my husband earned significantly more than me, but I still earned a very nice salary. Until I decided to stay home our salaries and earning potential were never an issue. Similarly my husband earned more and enjoyed it more too, so happiness wasn’t really a factor either.
I wonder how many spouses are resentful of their spouse’s lack of income or resent their spouse’s work/life satisfaction. Until now I never gave it much thought, but a couple people have asked me about it, so it must be an issue for some.
