I’m so glad you left this comment.

It’s interesting that you believe a cultural issue is primarily to blame. You may be right. I do think these celebrations are focused on the true celebration, (the birth of a child), but it can certainly feel like a greedy grab too. When a family member registered she included items she would never buy for herself. Just crazy pricey items like $800 strollers. I mean come on if you wouldn’t buy yourself something that expensive why on earth would you expect someone else to do that.

Because of the tradition people feel obligated to buy gifts and as someone who doesn’t need anything that stresses me out. I suppose a really well written invitation would help set the tone. Something that speaks to celebrating the love of this new child and saying ‘absolutely no gifts’ or suggesting something very small like ‘one book’.

I love new babies so I’m with you on buying gifts out of love not obligation. I am typically so excited about the birth of a friend or family members baby that I can’t wait to buy them something even if it’s something small. I think gifts should always come from your heart and I do think that’s an issue with showers. Guests may want to celebrate the baby but not shell out big bucks to help the expectant mother deck out her nursery. The whole thing makes me sad.

I’m a little worried about feeling up to throwing a party, but I figure we won’t plan for it at this point we’ll just see how things go. I do think it would be more fun to do it after the fact. After all, then the little one can feel the love too!

I wish these parties were more about celebrating the birth of the baby and less about the stuff 🙁 It sounds like you don’t have the best relationship with your brother. That always seems to make matters involving money especially difficult.

I would feel really sad if a sibling of mine felt that obligated to buy a gift for our second child. I buy gifts for others–even their second children–out of love, not obligation.

I think throwing the baby a “birthday” party afterwards is a good idea. No presents, just sharing your new Little One with your friends and family. We threw a small bbq for our girl when she was a couple months old. It was pretty relaxed and nice to see everyone again. But it was no shower!

I love this comment! I felt the same way about friends who told me they’d throw a shower for a different gender. It’s like ‘okay now it’s time to buy me little blue outfits or pretty pink dresses.’ I’ve heard similar things about large age gaps between children. It’s like ‘okay we gave away all of our stuff now let’s have our friends buy us new things.’

I would definitely include a ‘no gifts of any kind’ note if we had a sprinkle, but after thinking it over the best course of action might be an intimate party (i.e. beer and pizza) with family and close friends after the baby is born.