That’s too bad. I would keep the lines of communication open if you can. Try to frame it a little bit differently. Try to talk to her about the ways that her spending impacts the household at large. Talk about all of the things you could do with that money as a family or even how much your money could grow if you saved it for awhile.

Thanks for the write-up! I’ve definitely tried to talk to my spouse, whom is generally a generous and kind person. But, there is an entitlement that exists, that never gets us past point a.

Thanks for the comment CB. Have you tried to talk to your wife about her spending and how it feels selfish to you?

Full disclosure, I am in a relationship where my partner’s spending is above and beyond mine, so I am familiar with the issues of selfishness. Our income is also higher; I guess I would categorize it as upper middle class.

Hi Jen – Thanks for the detailed comment!

I am certainly not saying that everyone who has an interest in fashion is being selfish. I think your solution of spending ‘extra’ money to make yourself happy is a wise one. I’m also not saying that you can never use ‘family’ money to splurge on yourself. It’s more a matter of how much are you spending. Four to five closets worth of clothing is a ridiculous amount even if she purchased everything on sale. And yes I think not having a place to store a husband’s things would be a big part of the problem.

Every spouse should be able to spend money to make them happy and as a married couple you are still two very separate individuals. I think your example of your husband’s spending on HD packages is a great one.

I also completely agree that money should be spent now and now all hoarded and saved for retirement. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s all about balancing expenses.

As an alternate example, my husband loves watching sports on tv which means a HD level package ($95/mo) from Direct-tv. While many (especially PF bloggers) think this is wasteful, it is something he really enjoys. Our overall entertainment type expenses are very low – no clubbing, eat out only occasionally, no expensive vacations – so it’s not something I’m going to worry about as long as he remains employed at the level he is. Would it be more prudent to put it towards retirement – maybe – but within reason life is meant for living and enjoying (whatever ones particular interests lie).

Interesting comment Kay. I think it depends on how you quantify how spending “is affecting her family.” There is typically an impact of some type. If you use money for “x” than you can’t use it for “y.” But your point is valid. If it isn’t causing them to delay retirement, live in a house that’s too small to fit their needs, etc. then maybe it isn’t the worst financial offense. The problem is that many of these effects are difficult to see in the short term. You can’t look at the costs from day to day. I think you have to look at them over a life time.

– whose money it is (his / hers / theirs)
– why she needs as many clothes (maybe a model or TV persona would need that many!)
– whether she and her huisband are okay with her spending that much on her clothes
– maybe she got all her clothes on sale or consignment shops
– what their income level is
– whether her spending money on her clothes is really affecting her family even in a small way

If it is the last one, I would defintiely say selfish. Others – I might or might not depending o nthe answer.

I would say the same thing for a guy spending a LOT on electronics, vacations or whatever his vice is – if its affecting the family, yes, selfish, if not then we need to consider other factors..