Comments on: Do You Ever Feel Resentful of Your Spouse?

By: Jerry

Jerry — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 14:08:46 +0000

I’ve never resented my spouse. It can lead to big problems. Insurance for a stable relationship is discussing your feelings and getting them out into the open.

By: Legally Thrifty

Legally Thrifty — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 18:14:45 +0000

I’m one of those women who prefer that the spouse be equally educated (or more) and make a higher salary (or have the earning potential). My current situation happens to conform to this ideal. He doesn’t resent me for making less and he understands that he will have to shoulder most of the burden in paying for a wedding and future home (which I definitely feel bad about and will contribute to as much as I can).

One of my gfs is also an attorney and is in a relationship with a bartender. Our friends ask her, what will you guys do for money? But she doesn’t care about the money imbalance at all and is much happier now than in her last relationship with another attorney.

By: Beatrice

Beatrice — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 17:34:04 +0000

I don’t resent my husband but I really envy that he works in a (HR) profession that he enjoys, is good at, and makes decent money. (It also doesn’t help that I am interested in his field and have tried several times to break into it, to no avail). I am pigeon-holed in a (Finance) career that I don’t really enjoy but can’t seem to get out of because it’s what I’ve always done. At one point in my life, I temped as an exec admin and really enjoyed it. I liked that the job was low-stress, utilized my organizational/planning skills, and gave me the opportunity to interact and assist many people. I secretly wish I could be a stress-free admin again, but I know that wouldn’t fly with my family/friends, esp. after spending so much time and $ earning my MBA. I’m sure they would think of me as being unambitious and unsuccessful and my husband might even resent me for not getting a job that earns more money.

By: Newlyweds on a Budget

Newlyweds on a Budget — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 20:26:18 +0000

I have resented my husband for making less than me and having the financial burden placed solely on my shoulders for the majority of our marriage while he worked on his career (he didn’t work for four months while in school, he worked part time for a while, etc). It really made me resentful because not only was I make 70% of our income, but I was also still in charge of all the household stuff. It made me see RED with fury. Things are MUCH better now because he has a better job, and we hired a housekeeper. I still make more than him, but he’s making enough now that we aren’t struggling as much financially like before. I think it’s when families are struggling that it’s really easy to blame the spouse that isn’t bringing their fair share of the income. However, being a stay at home mom is one of my dreams. I don’t know that we’d ever be able to afford it (we don’t even have kids yet!) but I would consider my work at home to be just as important as his. Plus childcare is expensive!

By: Ruby Leigh

Ruby Leigh — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 20:15:23 +0000

This is thick stuff. I think being in a situation where you dislike your work but are golden handcuffed to it is never fun for anyone. If the reason you are golden handcuffed to your work is because your spouse has high-spending or poor income, yes it would be easy to get resentful. Does that make it right? I don’t know. Are there better ways to deal with the situation? probably, but they might require therapy.

By: Revanche

Revanche — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 20:05:44 +0000

In the past, I have been alternately puzzled by my partner’s lack of interest in career advancement (but seeming disproportionate-to-interest wage growth) and annoyed with myself for the choices I’ve made that felt like they took forever to pay off. Eventually it did pay off though, and I will keep making tweaks and changes toward creating a happier and healthier life and lifestyle for both of us.

Being frustrated with being pigeonholed in a career or job that provides good material benefits but no food for the soul isn’t really a justifiable reason to take that out on your partner IMO. We all have choices, if you don’t like the choice you’ve made, find a way to make another one. We’re not promised easy lives, you have to make your way. I do understand that it’s harder when the change you want is from the spouse but it’s simply got to be easier talking through options until you reach a solution than resenting each other, isn’t it?

I don’t know, it’s not like I’ve got all the answers. But sometimes I think we make things harder than we need to.