I laughed out loud reading this, because it made me realize how often my husband and I discuss financial topics. In our case money has definitely been a shared interest. Great point!

I think you hit the nail on the head. If you can’t set the same goals you can’t work towards them together!

Thanks for the comment. My husband and I met long before we discovered the term FIRE, but we turned out to be extremely compatible when it comes to money. I’m glad to hear that you and your partner are focused on the same goals!

First, let me say I love your comments, so thank you for leaving them!

I haven’t heard of New Relationship Energy before, but I have certainly felt it. I love diving into psychological phenomenons like this, so thank you for sharing that with me.

I agree that you don’t need to find a partner who is “alike-alike,” but I think you should look for a partner that understands the need to save if you wish to create a nest egg or plan for your future. The act of saving can fall on one partner’s shoulders, but in some relationships, couples fight because one partner wants to save and the other partner sees zero value in doing that. A partner can certainly be responsible without doing the work of moving money into accounts, etc. Like the examples you provided.

I know that the younger generation keeps separate accounts, but I still think you need financial compatibility. What happens when one partner saves up for a trip, and the other can’t go because they blew all their money? What if they want to buy a house and can’t because the partner’s credit score is terrible? I think a certain amount of financial compatibility is required in every relationship, even those with separate accounts.

Your final comments are spot on, and I love the term “process of becoming.” I’m going to start using that one. Communication is a critical skill in any relationship.

– There’s plenty of complementary financial compatibilities in the world! You don’t need to be just alike-alike. My dearheart for instance is financially irresponsible, but is happy to cede that all to me.
Likewise my sibling is a spender and their partner is frugal. They’re still compatible, and in fact both actually gain something out of the arrangement. My sibling is becoming more disciplined, and their partner is learning to appreciate little things (like kitschy decorations and quality food) more.

– Some people, especially in the younger generations, are taking autonomous approaches to finances. You don’t necessarily need to be compatible financially if you negotiate that from the start you’ll stay separate.

As for the final question:
Finances are high on my list when searching.
Mostly that is overshadowed by finding people with growth mindsets, who are willing to learn and change and become better.
At times I refer to that in shorthand as people who are in the “process of becoming.”
Also more important than finances is communication ability–though that makes the finance part easier.
If someone is able to articulate their approach to finances and their goals to me, it’s a good sign.