Thank you. I have often dreamed of the day I can walk away from all this toxic behavior. It has felt toxic to me as I’m the responsible one. But even if I don’t need the financial bailout, for some reason it makes be feel a little less loved. Like I’m undeserving.

One day I’ll walk away when I’m able.

Oh boy I so can relate. I have an older sister that worked on and off then just didn’t. My mom bailed her out every time. I worked and paid for everything I had. I’m the middle child (sister) and my younger brother also got bailed out, but not as much as my older sister. Both of them got homes bought for them that they paid “rent” to my mom and step dad. But when my younger brother paid off the home (principal only) , he owns it free and clear. My sisters home that she is in will be hers when my mom dies. My husband and I have a nice home that we worked for and pay the mortgage and interest. It’s so unfair. Yes we can afford it but geez, what I wouldn’t give to own my home without paying interest. And when she dies, I’m the executor!

All this financial favoritism has done is put a huge wedge between me and my siblings. I feel bad for being angry at the unfairness. But it is justifiable anger when they never made them earn for themselves! Why did I have to be the responsible one.

Thanks for letting me vent

When in his teens he was continually involved with the police with petty theft and auto related crimes and moved between women gaining ‘step children’ along the way. About 15 years ago he finally settled down and had a child of his own with his partner but basically had not worked for at least 10 years. He became the stay at home dad until there came a point that his benefits would stop if he did not find a job. He then ended up working part time, but only enough to ensure that his benefits would not be impacted. They are not well off but still managed to buy themselves enough weed to keep themselves having a happy life.

Sadly, last year we lost our adopted father and it left my mom on her own and during the bereavement process I saw my brother for the first time in over 10 years, All was good until he became ill and couldn’t work for a period and my mom offered to help him out financially. I did not and do not have a problem with this.

My mom mentioned to me that she had helped him out and that she wanted to treat us both the same and wanted to give me money. She is comfortable financially but by no means wealthy and at that point I did what I thought was correct and politely declined stating that I don’t need the money and that she should keep it for herself or retain the funds in case my brother needed more. That was the end of the conversation.

Over the last week i got a text from by brother saying to give him a call. I immediately called as I thought something may be wrong. Thankfully there wasn’t but he wanted some advice.

The advice that he wanted was how to avoid tax/benefit issues now that his partner had received a 6 figure inheritance from her father (I work in financial services) and I told him to play it straight and honest and to pay or absorb what is legally required and I think he was happy with this advice.

A couple of days went past and I started to reflect on this conversation and the previous with my mom and I thought wait a minute. At no point has there been any indication from him that he would pay my mom back although I’m pretty sure that it would have been seen as a gift by mom and even if offered she would decline the repayment. I’m also sure that he doesn’t know that I know.

It continues to pray on my mind and I’m left with the quandry as to whether I should say to my mom, “remember you offered me some money, given he has came into money……. Given this is way in excess of any cash amount that I have had at any point in time in my 55 years I feel that given this has eaten into my inheritance pot that perhaps my mom was right in the first instance and I should have taken the money when offered.

I don’t want to come across as greedy but I do feel that over his 50+years he has been bailed out financially on so many occasions that it is unfair that I am now in a position whereby I should feel physically sick and guilty of thoughts of approaching mom asking her to balance the books.

I visit mom every fortnight to take out her out for lunch and never accept her offer to buy the lunch whilst he visits more infrequently (although he will stay longer) and I am the one who is on call should she need help but still the tale above irks me. My mom is not at fault, my brother is not at fault but still I am left with this awkward situation.

Should I say something or should I stay quiet…….

My mom passed tragically decades ago and my sister is sucking my dad dry even if they both think their arrangement is ok albeit incredibly unfair. Basically, he goes without all the time because he bought her a house he can’t actually afford. He’s elderly, lives with another partner, can’t pay his way at her place, and is having some memory problems. He has no other income but the rent she pays and social security which basically covers the property taxes on the house she lives in and his barest necessities (it’s a big house for her, her husband, his brother, her adult children and their mates). He had a medical emergency nearly dying because he couldn’t afford his medication and I’m not sure how often he goes without meds /medical care leading up to this event, but it sounds like too often. He can’t afford a car or many things because he’s so broke. She owns a home but rents it out and may be pocketing the difference. I’m so tired of bailing my dad out and him constantly not making different choices that will help him. He really doesn’t want to listen to me at all. He just thinks he’s being an awesome parent enabling his favorite daughter and her family to have a more enriched life where they can take off for a month in Europe etc. Now my nephew wants help from him so he and his girlfriend can buy a house. I’m not in a place where I can financially help my dad when he has his next crisis as I’ve my own family to support (he’s never helped us once). It all makes me physically and mentally sick watching this play out. I’ve been basically treated like the second rate daughter and told I’m less valuable/worthy (yes it was said out loud) because I chose a less “noble” career path that actually pays decently – amazing the job you’ll do after nearly going bankrupt with zero family support- compared to her. Anyway, I’ve tried to just walk away, but am now being accused of being a bad daughter cause I won’t participate in the dysfunction anymore. My sister said to me that she plans to go after my half of inheritance saying she’s owed and that her family is more deserving. It breaks my heart to think he might die or become invalid because she sucked him dry and yes I’m getting help trying to get through the rejection, shame, hurt etc. But I don’t want to have guilt thinking I left him to be taken advantage even if he is unable to believe it.

Zac, your feelings are valid. Have you said anything to your parents ? I feel you need ti have a sit down talk. It’s all how you communicate your feelings. I know how you feel! ! Seems as though you should tell your parents you’re not happy with your job and you need a break like your sisters and would kindly appreciate the same help. Say your overwhelmed and would like to have the same perks after all this time.

what do you have to offer? just a complaint. This was helpful!