I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I hope comments from other readers will help you realize you are not alone.

Thank you. I told my father, who abandoned me at the age of 2 and never paid child support but came back into my life in adulthood and then spoiled my sister’s kids, how hurtful it is but he doesn’t care. My sister’s kids are adults, too, but he gives them money to travel to Europe, buy cars, live luxurious lifestyles. I mean nothing to him and I just have to accept that. It’s a painful reality. The unfortunate thing is that he isn’t wealthy and he’s spending his entire retirement funds to buy their love. If his health declines he’s going to be in trouble.

I can SO relate to you!!! I have a greedy, entitled, narcissistic sister who has never been happy unless she has MORE than I have. She has always been my mother’s favorite golden child, showered with expensive gifts, dinners out with her kids, money. My mother won’t even loan me $50 in an emergency. I was once in danger of becoming homeless and my mother refused to help me. At Christmas my mother paid for my sister’s entire family’s presents but gave my husband and me a $50 gift card to share. (She is quite well off and my sister’s gifts were worth thousands). When she died, I saw her checkbooks and added up the several thousands of dollars she had given my sister. She left me a $5,000 life insurance policy. My sister complained about how unfair it was. She had also gotten hundreds of thousands of dollars of assets from our father (he gave me $5000) and she complained to me that he had given me $5000. She literally felt entitled to all of their money. It was as if she felt like I had taken HER money! My father had paid for her kids’ trips to Europe, their cars, college education, ballet lessons, gymnastics lessons, private school, braces, etc. When we were kids, my mother would come home from the grocery store with a tub of ice cream and chocolate syrup just for her. Is it any wonder she became such an entitled asshole?

Thank you for your comment.

I resonate with this very deeply. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for your comment.

Meanwhile, i’m single, not married, no children, and I live in a studio apartment, in which I pay $30k/year in living expenses. My father did help me years ago by buying my vehicle, which is now about 8yrs old; i’m extremely grateful for this gift – At that time I wasn’t as financially secure as I am now. He also reimburses my health care premiums – this was something he started doing when I was struggling financially & couldn’t afford healthcare, and has continued to do it. 10yrs ago he agreed to offer me a downpayment for a home, not purchase, but the down payment, came with conditions & stipulations – ultimately he wanted to control what and where I chose to live. Not something my brother had to deal with. I ultimately rejected his offer to help as a result, and continued to struggle making ends meet on my own, while watching the financial help continue with my brother & his family. Every Christmas, I receive the same amount of money / gift as my brother, his wife, and 2 kids receive. We all 5 receive the same amount of money. I received the same as my sister-in-law. This bothers me still, as much as I wish it didn’t.

My mother fell ill at one point, and told my father, as she was in the hospital – “Do not let me leave this world without seeing my daughter with a roof of her own, over her head” – and with that, the discussion about purchasing a home again began, only this time, it would not be just the downpayment.

My mother has always been a stay-at-home mom, my father being the breadwinner, so he makes all the financial decisions for the two of them. I’m not sure what the justifying logic is for my father, or why he can’t see that giving to one child may negatively impact the other. I honestly would be lying if I didn’t say that it affects me deeply. I watch my brother live comfortably, purchase fancy cars for hobby, take family vacations, and can’t help but think how some of these things may not be possible without the financial aid provided by my father. The financial support given to him by my father has afforded him & his family a certain, comfortable lifestyle.

I wish I didn’t feel the injustice in all of this, but it’s becoming more and more painfully obvious with each passing year.

This post is a few years old, but I’ve received a lot of direct emails and comments on it since it’s creation. It seems a lot of folks struggle with this inequality in their relationships with their parents.

I am sorry that you feel your situation is unfair. While I have never personally lived with this I have witnessed it many times throughout my lifetime with friends and close family members. At the end of the day it often boils down to feeling unloved or at the very least less-loved by your parents. And let’s face it no one wants to feel that way.

Please take my words with a grain of salt. I am not a therapist or counselor, but I can tell you that from what I’ve seen things rarely change in these types of situations. Parents rarely see an error in their ways and even if they do see the issue they are unlikely to change the pattern they established so long ago. The best course of action is often just to accept the situation. To make the best of your relationship while knowing that this will most likely never get rectified. Some people can look past this and continue the relationship and others move on from it.

I have known parents who skipped siblings and provided gifts directly to grandchildren. As a parent myself I would not do this, but I think it is not as uncommon as you think. That doesn’t make it right, but sometimes misery loves company, so it might make you feel better to know there are others in a similar boats.

I’m sorry I cannot provide more helpful guidance. I don’t know you but I am sure you are a lovely person. Try not to let your parents attitude and actions get you down.

Wishing you all the best!