Hi Ashley,

Thank you for your comment. As a fellow stay-at-home parent I want you to know that I have felt the same way as you do. Especially, just after I made the decision to stay home. It’s hard not to contribute financially and it sucks that as human beings we tie our value and worth to how much money we make. I think that you should keep dreaming big dreams. I don’t know how old you are or how old your kids are, but if they are young it does get better as they get bigger. I have more time now than I did when my boys were little. Small snippets of time to write and focus. If you are developing a podcast than you must have a little time available too. Hold on to those pockets of time to do something meaningful that could turn into a career down the road.

Also, remember that life is long. Well, at least hopefully it will be. There is no reason you cannot step into a career later in life. I have been contemplating returning to work even though I have been out of the workforce for 9 years. If you have passion and interest you can climb the ladder quickly no matter how old you are. There isn’t an age limit on contributing to the world at large, so don’t place the burden of a timeline on your dreams. Some amazing people didn’t get to work until their later years or switched careers mid-way.

You have plenty of time to search for the things you love and make money doing them!

All the best,

OFG

Oh, and I have a funny podcast. Don’t I seem like such a fun and funny person in this comment? Also, it pays nothing. You’re a superhero for reading all of this whining.

Thank you for your comment.

Contributing in non-financial ways is extremely important, but this post was focused on the monetary aspects of becoming a stay-at-home parent and thereby becoming financially dependent. Technically my husband could hire someone to watch our children and take care of our home, but I can’t hire someone to earn money for me. Yes it would cost money for him to do so, but those responsibilities could be outsourced.

Being financially dependent on someone can be incredibly difficult. If a stay-at-home parent is not earning money they still need to be extremely vested in the family finances. They need to know how to log in to bank accounts, where money comes from, how much insurance the employed spouse has, etc.

The issue is not just about lacking income. I think it’s also not having a say at the financial table. My husband and I have always been equal partners in those areas of our lives and I think all partners should be. Stay-at-home parents don’t need to invest the money, but they need to know that the money is invested. They don’t need to buy insurance, but they need to know that it has been purchased, etc.

All partners should talk openly about money. That includes families where both parents work, but I think it is even more important in situations with a stay-at-home parent. Being financially dependent should not mean being blind to the money situation. It should mean that both partners believe in the importance of one parent staying home.

And that they work together to ensure their finances are solid and their bases are covered. It isn’t a lot of work and if you set up monthly meetings it’s incredibly easy to do.

This is not about going tit-for-tat on who is valuable in the household. Everyone is valuable whether you stay home or not. It’s about talking through the weight of becoming financially dependent. It can weigh heavily on the spouse who works and the spouse who stays at home.

The purpose of this post was also to point out that most of us are financially dependent. Even working spouses. Most of us need one another to pay the bills, so we should all be equally invested in understanding our income, expenses, and all other aspects of our finances.