Thank you for your comment. There is definitely a protocol for talking to people about gifts and telling you in front of the rest of the family is certainly not appropriate in my book. Some families do set rules before running Secret Santa gift exchanges. They ask up front for gift slips and let everyone know that exchanges are okay. If your group didn’t decide this upfront your aunt probably should’ve said, “Thank you,” and left it at that.

We do secret santa every year with my spouse extended family. After the gift exchange one of his aunts who was my secret santa called me over to sit next to her to ask me where I got the gift from becuase she would like to exchange it because she does not like the color gold. It was a cross bag purse with very lil gold and small gold hair pins. I said I know it may not be your style but maybe you can find something to wear it with. Try something different. Again she proceeded to that she does not wear gold as of she is some how against it. It would be one thing if I bought her a pair of pants and becuase of religious convictions she does not wear pants but it was a purse and small hair pins. Any ways. She ask if I can send her the information to exchange it for something she does like so that it would not be just sitting at her home not being used. She tells me to please dont feel bad and I did not say this but my thoughts are why would I feel bad for mistakenly giving you a gift you do not like. I’m not offended. This is a reflection of her NOT ME. I will make a mental note and never give her gold again. But also if she is my secret santa again she may only get cash so that I’m not lectured in front of the family about her likes and dislikes again. After all it’s a gift.

Oh my, yes tread carefully when talking to in-laws about gifts. As I mentioned in this post I would never say anything to my mother-in-law. My husband’s family doesn’t want to know if you like a gift or not. I hope you can smooth things over. It might help to get your 8 year old son to point out what he likes instead of having you speak up 😉 I often tell my children to speak directly to their grandparents. Don’t ask them to say what they don’t like. At a non-gift giving time just have them point out the things they do enjoy. Good luck

I think it’s incredibly difficult to buy women’s clothing. I have a hard time finding items for myself, let alone picking them out for someone else. It sounds like your boyfriend often buys you clothing. Could you suggest buying something other than clothing that is easier to pick out for someone else? Or possibly picking out gifts together? What if you both go to the store together, try the clothes on and then he presents them as a gift? Or maybe you could give him hints about the things you really like. Leave pictures out or magazine clippings so he can get a better sense of what you like. Do you think that would help?

How I got here.
Well my boyfriend that I’ve been with for about 9 years now, has gotten me a few terrible gifts.

I’m thankful for the thought behind the gifts of course but they are usually are clothes that are not my style or not the correct size. Us being a couple as long as we have, he can tell when I dont like something or when I lie.

He instantly gets angry with me before I even get the chance to even thank him for the gift.
Or notices that i dont ever wear them and picks a fight with me over it.

He said I’m ungrateful and that i dont ever like anything he gets me. I dont know what i should do without it causing a argument between us.

I love the honesty of this comment. It’s interesting how your disappointment turned into actual anger when the gift was not desired and the request to stop such gifts was completely ignored. I had not considered this feeling when I originally wrote this post, but it is certainly worth considering. It’s also very sad that a loving family member would not take the time to listen to your thoughts. It takes a joyous event, (gift giving), and turns it very sour. Thank you for the comment!

I am in my 50’s and my mom was the same as yours. I raised my children to only tell me if something was not liked and always kept it a secret to the giver if the gift was returned. However, for the past 25 years, I have received gifts from my husband that were 1. bought the night before, 2. expensive for our budget, 3. not something I would EVER use. (such as dressy jewelry or clothing that is no where near my style). I have asked, for every birthday since I can remember, for some sort of home improvement. I love my house and love to spruce it up. Whether it be flowers for the garden, house cleaner, new paint etc… I have returned gifts, given them away or just stored them away. I get more than disappointed every time. Even angry! So I guess my comment is, don’t tell, because if you do and it doesn’t resolve the continuous bad gift giving, it may cause angry and hurt feelings on YOUR part!

The thing that irritates me the most is that we receive the same gifts year after year. I’m totally with you on this one. If you are honest about the gifts you receive the gift giver can pick out something you’d like better the next time around! Oh I’m so glad to see I’m not the only one.

Thanks for the comment!