It’s hard, but I’ve learned to talk about it much more openly. I just leave myself out of the conversation. Like, “hey have you heard…” or “I just read…” If you try it out, let me know if it works! You can also send them links to other sites or podcasts and then see if they bring finances up in future conversations.

My childhood and early adult experiences certainly influenced my desire to “fit in.” As you said, you can spend more money to fit in with those who flaunt their wealth or spend very little to fit in with those who have less. I want to be the most authentic version of myself, but sometimes that is difficult. And, like you, I wouldn’t want to spend more money just to fit in with those who like to flaunt their wealth.

As you know, my oldest son attended private school for awhile, but the parents there were all very down to earth and few of them were wealthy. Most were scrounging up money to pay for a better education for their kids. Your situation sounds like it is very different from the one we experienced. For that, I am grateful.

The strange thing is that we almost literally the poorest people I know. We don’t know a lot of people, but many of my school friends graduated as lawyers or doctors. Our kids’ private school has lots of rich parents – it’s a prerequisite to pay for the school. We do know some moderate people in Boy Scouts, but it’s been hard to get to know them with COVID. Many families left due to that and the national lawsuits.

It’s weird to have money divide you when you are in the top 5-10% of net worth, but not the 1-2% like your circle. Maybe if we flaunted our money more, we could fit In better with them, but I’m not sure that’s who I want to be.

Yes, i love that book!

Anonymous, this is the most thoughtful and thought provoking comment I have received in quite some time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s true that “it’s hard when you live a life outside the mold.” It’s also true that your friends, family and business partners change so that you can fit into one group and no longer fit within another. Over the years I have learned to feel comfortable in my own skin. This is and will continue to be a long work in progress, but I am certainly getting better as the years go on. I have learned above all else to feel good about who I am with or without money. For instance, am I a good person, do I help others, do I go out of my way to be kind, etc? These attributes and characteristics have absolutely nothing to do with money. When you mingle with different groups keep that idea in mind. It doesn’t matter so much how others perceive us. It matters how we perceive ourselves. Thank you for your comment about Forbes. I know we live in a world where people want to be famous, but I do not have the desire for that. I want to express my thoughts and have others share their thoughts with me, but I don’t need to provide my name and photo to make that happen 🙂

My husband and I both came from very well off upper middle class families, yet we have always chosen to buy houses half the size where we grew up, which also means in less affluent areas. I think people always expect upward mobility in lifestyle. It confuses some that we would choose otherwise, and others think we are poor. In fact, our own son thought we were poor while we were remodeling our house and basically camping in it. All his friends from school would comment on how small our house was and its condition (we live in a boundary with a wide socioeconomic demographic all the way up to 15,000 square foot houses). We of course let him know about our financial choices and how we prefer a small house and my husband likes home projects even though we could afford much more. It was a good lesson for him because now he is happy living in a small house and doesn’t see the need or have the desire for a bigger one in his own future. It’s interesting how an abundant and intentional mindset affects children and their wants.

Now I am faced with the opposite issue. Because I am pursuing my passion, I am frequently mingling with very wealthy and influential groups of people. I remember entering an art gallery for a princess’ reception, and the host immediately came up to me, obviously did a once over of my non fashionable clothing and simple shoes and proceeded to nicely interrogate me as to my invitation and who I knew. I realized that how you dress, spend, and act to fit in really do matter on both ends of the spectrum. I also met many more people at this particular reception who were quite a bit more gracious, but it made me realize that I might need an outfit or two in my wardrobe to be taken seriously by some people in this new world, or at least to make them comfortable and like they are talking to a peer.

I think of it as manners. The point is to make people feel comfortable and be socially gracious. That means being socially and culturally aware and acting in ways that make others comfortable. Of course, there are times to make others uncomfortable, but those are rare and usually based on core values.

Now I am just not sure how to navigate in two very different societies. At heart, I am a middle class person and even my fancy dreams are the dreams of a middle class person. I am comfortable with that, and that’s how I live most of my life. However, because I am truly striving to make very impactful changes for society, I feel I also need to grow into this new role. I guess my worry is how to explain to my neighbor why I am wearing nice clothing, or the inevitable shock on a wealthy person’s face if they ever see my chosen home.

It’s hard when you live a life outside the mold.

As for Forbes, the best lesson my dad ever taught me was the value of anonymity. Freedom is truly valuable, and you give a lot of that up when you are famous, especially when you are famous for having money. Anonymity is freedom. I am inspired by your resolve to remain anonymous for Forbes.

Hi Deb, Thank you for such a kind and lovely comment. I love your definition of a ‘rich’ life and I couldn’t agree with you more! A rich life is not made of fancy vacations and expensive computers it’s made by enjoying what is important to you. It’s a blessing to ‘live the life you love!” Thank you for reminding me of that fact.