I also talked to my parents about this, and they insisted that they did not want me declaring bankruptcy – they would take on my credit card payments, and in the future (10, 20 years from now) when I'm in a better financial place, I could begin to repay them. I thought long and hard about this, but I just couldn't justify making them suffer even more to fix something I'd done to myself. Yes, they did want to do this for me, and could maybe swing things to make it work, but I needed to take some responsibility for myself and my actions.

I did end up declaring bankruptcy at the end of last year. I'm not proud of it, and I definitely do feel the shame that comes with not being able to pay back what I owe. However, the knowledge and pride that comes from knowing that I'm taking responsibility for myself ouweighs that significantly.

I agree wholeheartedly with your views on the issue of accepting financial help from your parents and relying on them when you shouldn't. Case in point? I took some responsibility for myself, taking the consequences that came with it all, and it's changed my life to where I am much more aware of being in control of my finances, of living within my means, and of valuing financial independence. That's a lesson I learned the hard way, and one that will continue to serve me well for the rest of my life.

As a child, I grew up in a middle-class family. My parents worked hard – they are immigrants, and my brother, sister and I are first-generation kids born here. They have owned their own business for 30 years, and though that sounds very good, they've also – quite literally – poured their sweat and blood into the business. They have, and still continue to work, 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. My parents were able to always provide a good meal for us, and we went out to dinner as a family 1-2 times a month. We never had the money to go on expensive vacations, nor did my parents have the ability to take that time away from their business, but on long weekends and such, I have very fond memories of going camping, or taking a full day up to the snowy mountains to go skiing. For those experiences and memories, I'm forever grateful.

That being said, I have to say that through college and the next year after, I spent money that I didn't have – I racked up about $5,000 in credit card debt, and then when I went to grad school, racked up about $10,000 more and much more than that in student loans. However, I refused to allow my parents to help pay off the credit card debt – initially, it was more of a pride thing – it was my debt, a result of my spending money on shampoos and dinners I couldn't really afford, and I was going to be the one to pay it off. After maturing a bit more, it became more an issue of realizing how hard my parents work, the struggles they have gone through to pay for college educations for 3 children, and the fact that they're still paying off college tuitions for my siblings and don't have much in a retirement account.

After finishing grad school, I knew I wouldn't be making a whole lot of money, and tried with all my might to pay off my credit cards while taking advantage of the 2-year forbearance period for my school loans. Unfortunately, even while living with 2 other roommates and trying to make ends meet, I couldn't pay off the credit card debt (about $17,000) before the student loans entered repayment, and there was no way I could afford to make both payments. I went to a couple of different non-profit debt counseling agencies, talked to a good friend who works as a financial advisor, and all of them advised me that bankruptcy might be the best way out. It wouldn't eradicate my school loans – I'd still be responsible for that, and it would put a huge ding in my credit report for the next 10 years, but they argued (and I agreed) that I'm still young, and as I had no intention of making any huge purchases that would require a substantial loan (a mortgage, a car, etc.) in the next 7-10 years, I would be doing okay by the time I'm 40 as long as I lived within my means and took a long, hard look at how and what I spend my money on.

(character count's too high – cont'd in following comment – sorry!)

Sure, this theoretical child may be doing something "good" and they may be "responsible", but the parents are still subsidizing the child's lifestyle choice. It's really not that much different from those living beyond their means and blowing money irresponsibly, it's just tougher to say "no" when the child is actually using this subsidization to make the world a better place.

Not to mention they are missing the tax deduction they could be receiving for a direct donation 🙂

None of the above applies if this is a temporary situation, and this low-paying job is something that's helping the kid get by.

One thing I thought I would say though in the defense of this author of Hot(broke)Messes… is that sometimes when you are raised in a low income situation all your growing up years, you sometimes take the act of saving money as something you "have to" do… it can be natural to rebel… My hubby went through / still sort of feels this way. He wants to eat high-end – because it's a way of showing he's been successful (and since he has been so it's sort of okay). While I was raised in a moderate income household – where we choose to save money because we could! – SO my viewpoint is to the positive. I like getting a deal, I cringe at spending to much. Anyhow, we moderate somewhere in the middle.

In our life my parents have been marginally generous – they helped me some in college with dinners out and care baskets, but rarely cold hard cash. They also assisted by paying for some of the wedding. My Hubby's parents have very limited resources, and in some instances we have helped them. So for it's difficult to imaging an extreme version of the opposite.

Of course, I've been accused many times of being judgmental so…

Still, I think you're right to take umbrage. A phrase no one uses enough, by the way.

If your parents want to treat you to extras, fine. But don't milk your parents because you can't live responsibly.

Of course, I come from a unique perspective. I have a disability and from age 25-28, I had to essentially live off my mom, whose own financial situation was tenuous. She was in the middle of a divorce and she quite literally ran through her savings keeping me going. (I was suicidal and had no health insurance, so she paid for my therapy out of pocket.)

I hate how much I had to rely on her. And she helped out after I got married, too. As a wedding present, she insisted on forgiving some money we had borrowed from her. And, when we were moving to Phoenix without a car, she was worried about me and so she gave us her car. (She was thinking about going carless anyway but I know it was a pretext.)

I know my mom is happy to do it and that she worries about me. And that she is comfortable enough that her frugality is mainly choice/habit at this point.

Still, it's hard on the ego. And so it's hard to imagine being so self-involved that you think it's okay to more or less actively milk your parents for money so that you can live irresponsibly.