Comments on: How to Deal with a Pot-Stirrer Who Loves to Stir Up Drama

By: Anonnymous

Anonnymous — Thu, 19 Mar 2026 10:51:48 +0000

Thers girl at school who i was friends with and she has stirred so much drama she doesnt have any ftiends left. she desserves it tbh shes a cow

By: Paisley

Paisley — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 22:58:25 +0000

In reply to ISP. I understand what your saying ISP. It's hard and you grieve when you love the person. I can't take anymore and it's my daughter. Hardest thing I have had to deal with. Wanting to walk away but my love for her keeps me trying to deal with it. My heart and mind is tired.

By: Jewel

Jewel — Tue, 10 Sep 2024 03:24:12 +0000

The suggestions you listed for dealing with a pot stirrer are very wise. Esp. to not be alone with the person or give them any personal information (this is key). I found your blog by searching the meaning of “stirring the pot” after I saw my spry 80 yr old neighbor across the street making the exaggerated motions of stirring a pot in his driveway in response to his wife’s conversation with their son.
I also have had a challenging relationship with my SIL (who is alone and never married) and it has been quite the run. She is a perfectionist and can be controlling, pointing out every little thing to you, calling and texting my husband (her brother) during our date nights, during dinner or home watching a movie etc etc. with questions and needing help with home repairs.
What makes it hard is my spouse is obliging, never wanting to turn family away so he will take every phone call and answer every text. These are the trials of life and I find peace in my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Praying for these people helps me to forgive them, seeing their weakness as an opportunity to help them in the secret place of the prayer closet.

By: CECELIA A STICH

CECELIA A STICH — Thu, 11 Apr 2024 01:35:54 +0000

I am a 65 year old female with multiple health issues. My neighbor is in her 50s, and constantly does ridiculous antics. From noisy interval music , to parking her car where public transportation does and the workers, and my friends. I am fed up.

By: Tina

Tina — Tue, 26 Mar 2024 12:58:22 +0000

I find if you communicate openly and deal with things as they come with humility, intelligence, honesty, kindness, patience and integrity, there is a better chance that what ever someone else brings to the table, you will not be caught off guard or disappointed by the outcome. In fact, you will have few enemies, if any, and controversy will naturally be deflected. No one is perfect but you can choose your own behaviours in every situation and those behaviors will dictate how others respond to you. Remember: You can NOT control other people’s behaviour so choose yours wisely.

By: Savannah

Savannah — Mon, 20 Nov 2023 16:58:19 +0000

I think you’re dealing with it great. I have a pot-stirrer at work and also in my family. They pit people against each other and then act innocent when the parties are stirred up and angry at each other, and enjoy the drama and emotions they’ve brought to the surface.

I think it depends on your personality type as to how you deal with it. Sometimes confrontation is best, but often it gives them a reaction (which they want) and another tool to use against you. I also think limiting interactions with the person and not sharing much information or participating in gossip, even though it can be so tempting! In my experience, they will take the words you’ve said and use them against you to make someone else angry. Over time we all learn the best ways to deal with these sorts of people. They will always be there in life, so learning how to work or be around the person is invaulable.

By: Brouneyez 87

Brouneyez 87 — Wed, 15 Nov 2023 20:58:08 +0000

In reply to Jamel Wright. I Agree!

By: Janice

Janice — Tue, 28 Mar 2023 11:24:13 +0000

Grey rocking, blank staring and all those things you described.
The toxic pot-stirrer is obviously insecure and lacks some level of self awareness or they just plain don’t want to face the truth that they thrive on drama for whatever reason.
When a pot-stirrer recently started to ‘innocently’ go about their pot stirring ways and ‘inform’ me about people that were bad mouthing me, I simply responded (with a blank stare always) ‘yeah i’m not really interested’ Also without any emotion I asked her why she would want to share that information with me, why she seems sharing that kind of conversation important?

Pot stirrer will then flip things to make YOU look kookoo ‘what’s wrong with telling you that?’ then they get mildly miffed and enforce distancing and silent treatment, because YOU ARE THE WEIRDO that put up healthy boundaries of what kind of toxic convos you’re gonna have.

Things are quiet again… for awhile… happy times

By: MEA

MEA — Fri, 27 Jan 2023 12:21:10 +0000

In reply to Michelle.

That’s along the lines of what I was thinking – the author seems passive aggressive, which in itself is pot stirring.
We can deal with histrionic types without gaslighting them for Pete’s sake. Maybe the sister is histrionic because she is regularly dealing with passive aggressive reactions and being gaslit by the author and perhaps by the family as a whole.

By: Melinda

Melinda — Thu, 13 Oct 2022 03:33:34 +0000

These are excellent strategies. I like the blank expression. I use this often on the grandson I took in three years ago at the age of twelve. His pot stirring was a coping skill to keep everyone fighting amongst themselves so no one focused on him. He grew up in a very toxic and dysfunctional environment. Unfortunately, I have not been able to break him of this habit. He likes to play the victim and tells malicious lies to get sympathy
My daughter and I have started debriefing sessions after he spends time with her and her children so we can go over anything he may have lied about it said about any of us. He doesn’t know we do this but it really helps us to stay drama free.