Comments on: Reader Advice: Unequal Financial Gifts for Grown Children

By: Newlyweds on a Budget

Newlyweds on a Budget — Tue, 02 Sep 2014 19:51:06 +0000

I’m with the other commenters. I’m not a parent BUT this has enabler written all over it. The son is doing fine, there is no reason he needs a house. And who is to say that he’ll be able to afford the house payment when he actually does have the house? Will the parents just keep bailing him out every single time? Sink or swim, buddy.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Mon, 01 Sep 2014 22:16:02 +0000

I agree with Kay – I would say it is time for the son to sink or swim. In our family my husband and I are like your daughter, and his sibling is very similar to the son. I have watched my in-laws stress and delay their retirement to support the siblings family, and the sibling just takes and takes and will probably continue to do so as long as support is provided. I now worry myself sick about the fact that my husband and I may need to provide for my in-laws (and in that case will we be providing for the siblings family indirectly, if the in-laws refuse to stop supporting them). Please don’t put your daughter in this situation. I am sure your son and his family will be just fine, even if they aren’t in a perfect living situation as long as it isn’t completely unsafe (gang activity and the like), more than likely things will ultimately be fine for them, without it being at the expense of your daughters respect and sanity. (Sorry for the novel, and I realize I’m late on providing feedback to the letter writers concerns, hopefully they see it!).

By: Kay

Kay — Sat, 30 Aug 2014 15:50:58 +0000

At some point I feel like the child needs to sink or swim. As long as he has a roof over his head and food to eat then let him struggle for awhile longer since you already bailed him out once and he hasn’t paid you it all back. He doesn’t “deserve” a house. He needs to earn it and that means becoming financially responsible enough to save a down payment. My parents try to be fair to me and my 3 siblings but I’m definitely the “I don’t need financial help one.” If my parents kept giving money to a sibling who didn’t work hard enough to get his act together I would be mad. It’s like spoiling the child who always acts bad for attention.