Comments on: Money Problems: Married to a Cheap, Selfish Husband

By: Jen West

Jen West — Fri, 11 Aug 2023 16:26:17 +0000

I could use some advice. My husband works hard and does pay all bills minus my car payment. I do work but I dont make a lot. My money goes to my car payment, gas, and small extras we all want and need (ex. fast food, shoes, and maybe a fun thing to do every once in awhile). He does say he works hard for his money and pays bills so what is left is for him to decide. He has seasonal hobbies. He gets into things like mountain bikes, rc cars, and motorcycles. All his time and money goes into these things at the time they are new and exciting. I feel neglected and also broke constantly. Our house is old and literally decaying and floors falling in. That isnt fun stuff to spend money on and is a huge chunk of change. So he spends money on the fun stuff. Dont get me wrong, I think they are fun too and support his living life fun but feel it needs to be in moderation. When I bring it up he sais im complaining to much. Im about at my witz end. Ive seen thousands go out. I dont care about him spending really its the amount at once and all the time on things while neglecting the home and/or me. I dont want to feel selfish and I dont want to nag, however I have tried so many angles to bring it up and its always wrong and ending results is always bad so Im totally overwhelmed with frustration and sadness and guilt of even bringing it up anymore. I am all about having fun but I could only image if I spend this much money as well what would happen. Plus I can’t spend the money out of the account without asking him and coming up with a speech on what and why I want the money (his money). My bank account is from my work paycheck and is gone in notime paying for stuff because so small. His account can have thousands in it, but because he does pay all bills anything left after bills is his. HELP. How can I in a positive way talk to him because every way I go about it makes him upset and nothing gets resolved!!

By: Cat Bee

Cat Bee — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 18:11:46 +0000

In reply to Misty.

You are spot on! A husband who is cheap with his money will be cheap in all areas. NO. FREAKIN’. KIDDING!
Cheap with their attention, their TIME, effort and hell no are you ever a priority over his family and friends. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap.
Yup, I married one too. Been together 44 years. Now he’s struggling with memory issues and in taking over the finances, I’ve discovered a multitude of savings accounts and IRAs I didn’t know existed. I see it as a lifetime of being ‘cheap’ with producing lifetime memories. I’m angry and grieved. Bad combo.

By: Swati

Swati — Thu, 10 Feb 2022 09:50:58 +0000

Hi, I would need some advice and help since I came across this link while searching for my problem and it really syncs with my situation. What do I do if my husband listens to his mother who tells him that his money and his wife’s money is separate. Because she plans to ask him money for her needs; and in case her son’s money is not seperate; she cannot lay any claim on it. Reason why I say this is because when she came to our house, she said openly, both of you should spend on your own requirements and do a 50-50 split on the expenses(when she knows, I do not earn as much as my husband and cannot pay and if I do; my savings would be nill). Last yr we were in Dubai for his onsite role, I joined him; Sadly we had a miscarriage which needed surgery; he told me we should go back to our country and do it as it would be less expensive(100K less). It was Covid 2nd wave, travelling was not that easy, so I told him I want to get it done here for which he said I was being unreasonable. I shared the information with my parents who were angry and they called him to say in case if you don’t pay for it; we will pay for it. This hurt his ego, I did get my surgery done in Dubai, but caused up a huge fight and trust issues between us. My husband in the beginning of our marriage had student loans and credit card debts; so I took upon myself the major expenses of the house so that he could pay off his student loans and debts. No interference was done at that time by his mother or split of expenses 50-50 suggested by her till then(as he would not have been able to do that then); but now as her sons’s loans/debts are paid off and we can finally plan for our life together(house/car); she gives him this advice on phone on speaker, if your wife does not give advance payment for house, don’t pay for it alone. She says she can ask money from her son whenever she wants since she has sacrificed a lot. We have applied to a joint loan for which I am ready to split monthly emi payment 40/60 as per our salaries; so that no single person taking the heat of it, but now in anger or in an argument – he does mention it to me that you should pay 40 percent of the rent to me. Why do independent women want their husbands to spend financially. Its not that I do not spend in household expenses( Rent+Wifi + few groceries- his end and Max Groceries+electriciy+water+gas -my end); there is hardly a diff of 2000 bucks but since rent is more; he thinks he ends up spending more. Now I feel even though we are signing up for new house; I feel he is in this marriage only for the comforts of not paying the bills alone and for my inheritance.His mother’s intervention was objected my me , but he said that making an taking an important purchase, he can consult with his mother, it would not affect our financial decision. I do not trust him that he will not think about putting the financial pressure on me via his mother. How do I proceed with it and safeguard myself or I should not enter into it?Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for reading the long note till the end.Regards,Swati

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 08:54:40 +0000

In reply to Cathy. Dear Cathy, I wish you the best in your unfortunate situation.

By: Cathy

Cathy — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 05:31:50 +0000

In reply to CAE. Sorry to say I’m in the same boat happy to see there are other good people that have bad things happen carmaker I hope is true

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Fri, 25 Jun 2021 03:03:48 +0000

In reply to lauren. Hi Lauren, Have you considered financial counseling? I'm not an expert in this field, but a friend of mine met with a therapist who specialized in financial issues. Through therapy they were able to discover the reasons for overspending. A financial coach may be able to help as well. They can show your husband how money saved today can grow into gobs of money in the future. If your husband wants to quit his job in the future, have more flexibility, etc. it may help to forward project your savings if the spending slowed down a bit.

By: lauren

lauren — Sun, 13 Jun 2021 04:09:20 +0000

What to do when your spouse earns insane amounts of money and spends every penny on junk? Fast food, tools, cars, gaming, landscaping/pool stuff. I can’t complain because he earns it. But I’m the one who won’t get an MRI because it costs too much. Craziness. I get so depressed over it, but there’s nothing I can do. I guess I will just enjoy the nice house since I can’t get him to sell it (very high taxes). Thank goodness there is a retirement account, but we won’t be able to do anything other than drinking and gaming. Our children are just like him – with his credit cards.
Thanks for letting me vent.

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Wed, 16 Dec 2020 00:32:25 +0000

In reply to Misty. I am sorry that you have encountered so many struggles with your spouse. Thank you for leaving this comment your words will provide encouragement to others who stumble upon this post and read your words. I agree with your terms for marriage. When people get married they should "help each other, be generous with their hearts, mind, body and wallet."

By: Misty

Misty — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 01:01:16 +0000

Run run run! A partner selfish with money is selfish in all aspects of marriage!

I am currently separated. Money was always an issue for us. My husband is selfish. His money is his and my money is ours. I had to saved money to stay home to have our child. I still paid 50% of the bills while out of work, to care for the baby. When I went back part time because we did not have a daycare, I still paid 50% of the bills and took care financially , and physically of my son from my first marriage by myself. When we ate out ,(fast-food) I paid for my son and myself and he paid for himself.

We had one date after the baby was born. I worked part time because I stayed home with the baby. I also did all the cooking, cleaning , mowing, taking out the garbage, grocery shopping.

That one and only date before we separated. I paid the babysitter and he for the first time since our first date paid the bill.

Before when I worked full time I made more money and our money was together (accept he found reason not to work and spent money secretly) . Our money was in a joint pot to cover his child support , back child support (before he met me), back taxes (before he met me) and all bills cars purchases . He spend on whatever his kids and ex wife asked for even if it wasn’t in the budget even if I did not agree.

So when our money was separated and I was 5 months pregnant I had to work extra hours to save up to cover the time I would be home to take care of our son and my oldest child(11)

The kicker.
He had the nerve to ask me for the $8 for my brit box subscription from his amazon account. While working part time making less money than him, watching our son cooking cleaning etc. Thankfully because I am frugal and uses a spreadsheet I could show him I already covered it.

We are separated. And it is like pulling teeth to get a check to cover his half of daycare so I can work.

This is not a marriage.
Marriage is two people helping each other , generous with their hearts, mind, body and wallet.
My husband is selfish with all four.

If your partner is selfish with their money, hides it, lies about it, takes advantage of others. Run run run!!!

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 01:48:06 +0000

In reply to V. Dear V, Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you feel trapped by your situation, but as I said to CAE please do not call yourself stupid. It's not stupid to believe in the best of people or to think that they have our best interests at heart. In close relationships it is easy to get swindled by those we love and to believe that they won't hurt us again. There have been many other women in situations similar to your own and your story of the bank withdrawal made my heart hurt. I hope that those who stumble across this post will read your story and learn from it. Don't be afraid to share your story. Shout it from the rooftops if necessary. I often find that sharing the messiest parts of my life helps others. Leaving this comment will undoubtedly help others see the light in their own relationships. I wish I had more to offer you, but I do wish you the best of luck!