Comments on: Who Should Pay for the First Date? A Question of Hot Dogs or Splitting the Bill

By: spike

spike — Mon, 01 Jul 2013 02:47:36 +0000

Wow! You’re the first woman I’ve seen who would classify this as a “date” (whether a blind date arranged by friends or or a situation wherein I’ve asked some woman out on my own)–even if it’s “just” for a drink! Glad to know I’m not the crazy one for using the word for this situation. I get smacked w/ terms like “meeting” or “interview”.

By: Liz

Liz — Sun, 30 Jun 2013 17:25:41 +0000

It depends on many variable and there is no right way and wrong way here. In my case, I will freely admit that I was looking for a man who would not mind providing dinner for me, having been the provider in my first marriage (as well as pulling most of the weight in other ways) which was not what I had signed up for. I wasn’t looking for a free ride, just some validation that my date didn’t mind picking up the first tab. I never ordered anything expensive, and I always offered to split the cost, but only two men accepted my offer. And I thought, if he won’t pay for my latte or my bowl of soup – on our first date – then he’s not someone I can see a happy future with. I happily reciprocated if the relationship continued, maybe by cooking a meal at home, or picking up tickets to a show, but dining out, unless it was his birthday or a special occasion or a thank you for something, it was important to me that my man paid the bill. My dad always paid for our family when we went out and I think I came to value traditional roles more over time.

By: Lucinda

Lucinda — Sat, 29 Jun 2013 22:23:38 +0000

I think it depends on the guy. It’s been 20 years since I was dating so I’m not exactly on the scene now. But, when I did date, who paid often depended on who I was dating. My husband always insisted on paying. He had considerably more money than I did and he liked to eat at restaurants I couldn’t afford. I wasn’t going if I had to pay and he wanted my company. With some guys I would often suggest free or inexpensive places as we were both usually broke and they seemed fine with that. We generally took turns paying. Other guys insisted on paying no matter what because they believed it was their role and I couldn’t convince them otherwise. So while I don’t think paying=respect, I do think respect=taking the other person’s financial situation into consideration when choosing where you go and what you do. I also think guys are just as likely to perpetuate this set-up as gals.

By: Sophie

Sophie — Sat, 29 Jun 2013 16:13:13 +0000

I don’t think the traditional “dating rules” should apply in the 21st century. Of course I like it if someone buys me dinner, but paying or not paying for my own drink/food/movie ticket doesn’t imply I (don’t) want to date or sleep with the person in question. I perfectly understand that paying for dinner for 2 people more than once or twice can be a lot when on a small budget, especially as a young person. So, why not just split the bill or pay separately? 🙂
(Maybe I should add that I live in Germany, where dating is a little different from what I know from American TV.)

By: Dee Acampa

Dee Acampa — Fri, 28 Jun 2013 01:22:46 +0000

I believe that on the first date the bill should be split. It is more like an interview than an actual “date.” I’ve read articles about things to do on a first date and think, “you can’t be serious.”

The first date should be coffee and pastry, or drinks and maybe appetizers. You are finding out if you even like each other. You may want to leave after 15 minutes. Usually you plan for an hour. You’ll know fairly quickly if there will be a second date.

And, although it’s wonderful if the man offers to pay, it should not be expected.

theover50womensguidetodating.com

By: Happy Lady

Happy Lady — Thu, 27 Jun 2013 17:52:34 +0000

In reply to Mary. 100% agree with you!

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Tue, 25 Jun 2013 21:41:39 +0000

In reply to Randall. Great comment Randall and I totally agree that a date is meant for two people to get to know one another, not for a man to have to prove he's worthy of dating!

By: Randall

Randall — Mon, 24 Jun 2013 17:46:05 +0000

I think it’s fine for a man to pay, but he should certainly avoid extravagant first dates that leave the woman feeling like she has some expectation to fulfill. I would also say that the invitation and the behavior that the man exhibits during the date should display his interest, not his willingness to pay. Paying should just be part of being a good and generous host, and giving the woman one less thing to worry about.
Also, remember that the woman needs to be indicating her interest as well. A date is about two people getting to know each other, not a man “proving he is good enough” for a woman.

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 02:36:19 +0000

In reply to Beatrice. I think your sentiment is quite common. I asked a lot of friends and they said the same. No matter what year it is they expect the man to pay, (even men I asked seemed to think they should pay), and all said they would see the man as a cheapskate if he didn't.

By: One Frugal Girl

One Frugal Girl — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 02:35:07 +0000

In reply to Bernie. I love the idea of the invitee offering to pay for the next date if there is one!