My financial situation was never as dire as yours has been and I can only imagine the complex emotions you’ve felt throughout your financial journey. After writing this post I went back through my archives and searched for other posts about guilt. It’s funny, because I wrote one about spending on massages just a few years ago and how bad I felt about it. It’s amazing how far I’ve come and how much my thoughts have changed over time. I am so grateful that I began this blog so long ago so I can look back through my story and I am ever so thankful that you convinced me to start writing so I can continue into the next chapter!

Kids threw everything out of whack for us. As a 20 year old with out children I definitely thought “I could live off of nothing.” As a 40 year old with kids I’m like holy crap how much have we spent on kids stuff 😉 I’m all for aggressive spending when the time of life is right or necessary, but for right now I don’t have the urgency or pressure to watch every dollar and I want my values to align with my spending. As long as that happens I feel like it will primarily work out. Thanks for the comment!

Not that I didn’t spend with purpose before but I used to seriously doubt that any of my spending was “justified”, no matter how critical or basic the item. I mean, I used to eat one meal a day because money was so tight. Stepping away from that mentality took time and I imagine that “without guilt/negative feelings about it” will come with time and growth as well.

Oh Steve you ask a very good question. How did we come to own a second home in our 20s? I actually searched my blog for answers to that question, but it seems I’ve never written about it before. At least I couldn’t find the blog post if I have. In 2005 a series of medical blunders landed me in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism. (https://www.onefrugalgirl.com/the-four-year-anniversary-of-my-second-chance). At the time the doctors had absolutely no idea why I had gotten a clot in my lungs and what that meant for the rest of my life. My husband and I always wanted to buy a beach house. We had no idea if I would live or die, so we decided to buy a second home while I was still well enough to enjoy it. Our initial plan was actually to quit our jobs and stay there for a year on the salary we saved. In our 20 year old wisdom we decided my husband could sell the house if I died. Thankfully I didn’t and we still own it fourteen years later! Had I not gotten sick we never would have purchased it or at least we would have purchased it many years later!

Oh my goodness the path to financial independence definitely comes littered with guilt! If you don’t believe me check out this prior post! Here is a post from 2013 where I am talking about the exact same expense, (paying for massages), and feeling the guilt: https://www.onefrugalgirl.com/why-do-i-feel-guilty/. It’s great that you and your fiancé are getting on the same page about your purchases and priorities. Marriage makes financial goals a whole lot harder to achieve. If you were single you might buy something without a second thought. After you get married you might stop to think, hmmm how does this impact our finances as a couple? It gets much more tricky and I’m so happy that you are already discussing these topics together! It’s great to have money in the bank, but we must also find a beautiful, happy life along the way to FI! Thanks for the comment!

I totally agree with that. When I was unaware of my spending patterns it was easy to buy what I wanted without any thought, but once I began to track and save it became much more difficult to consciously decide where and when to spend. Defining values isn’t always easy and I’ve found they can change dramatically over time. For example, in my youth I might have moved elsewhere. Now at 40 years old with 70+ year old parents my thinking has changed.