Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Last week I spent two hours out of the house, all by myself, at a spa. I left my son in the care of my in-laws and took advantage of the spa week savings. Instead of paying $100+ dollars for a facial I spent $50. Instead of paying a $100+ for a pedicure I spent $50.

I know that $50 is still an unbelievably high price to pay for a pedicure. Local places charge much less, but I can’t stand the smell of the cheaper salons in my area and I don’t always trust their safety standards either. Two times a year I pay for a pedicure, the rest of the time I do it myself at home. So those two times I splurge a bit.

I didn’t actually pay anything for the spa visit. I used a $100 SpaFinder gift card that I won in an online contest and paid for the tip using a gift card my mother-in-law gave me last Christmas. I paid absolutely nothing out of pocket and still felt guilty about it.

It’s a mentality I’m really trying to break free from. My husband works an eight hour day, comes home to bath my son and get ready for bed and then takes care of business for his company. As a result I feel guilty taking it easy, sitting back and relaxing at the spa.

I felt similarly this week when I visited my massage therapist. Three months ago I visited her for the first time in over a year. My neck and back felt so amazing afterwards, (I’ve had my fair share of medical problems in this particular area), that I decided to arrange a massage once a month.

Her prices are insanely good, $80 for an 80 minute massage and her hands work miracles. Honestly. Before I started seeing her years ago I suffered nearly 24 hours from aches and pains. After a few months in her care the frequency and intensity of my pain decreased significantly.

This week I went back to visit her and as I laid on the table I couldn’t help but feel guilty for being there. I know my husband doesn’t care that I go. In fact, he prefers that I receive treatment. He knows I’ll feel physically better, but still I feel bad about it. I never felt this way when I was working so I attribute it to the fact that I’m no longer working outside of the home and I’m no longer bringing home a paycheck.

I know deep down that this feeling is utterly ridiculous. My husband goes to tailgates and football games while I watch my son. He eats lunch out every afternoon and visits with his brother for an hour every few weeks before heading home from work.

So why do I feel guilty relaxing, spending money and leaving my son in the care of someone else? Is it just a mom thing , a stay-at-home mom thing?