How Do You Deal With The People in Your Life That Cause Such Drama?

March 24, 2012 at 9:36 PM 13 comments

I consider myself to be pretty level headed. It takes quite a bit to stir me up and I tend to be the type to shout obscenities for a minute or two to release the anger and then let it all go. I rarely hold a grudge. In fact, you have to commit multiple acts against me before I’ll make a mental note of the wrongs you’ve caused.

I don’t cause a lot of drama in my own life. In fact, I’m risk and drama averse. Ask my friends and they’ll tell you I’m about as stable as they come. ย I’ve been dating, (now married to), the same guy for fifteen years, lived in the same house for eleven and until recently worked at the same company for twelve.

If you like to live with a lot of drama in your life odds are that you and I aren’t friends. I don’t have the energy or patience for it these days. Some may say that makes me boring, but if that’s the title for someone who has their shit together, then I’ll rightly accept it.

Unfortunately, when it comes to family members it’s not quite so easy to escape the problem. I find the same people are always causing the same issues in my life and I’m beyond the point of sick and tired about it.

I’m not sure that I can go into specific details about my problem, but I can say that the drama revolves around one specific person. Most of the drama involves imaginary issues made up in that person’s mind. The truths are often distorted to further the cause and usually before the day is done they pull out the victim card.

Due to other people in my life I cannot completely ignore this person or write them out of my life.ย I’d love to hear suggestions and advice from ANYONE who reads this post. If you’ve ever faced something similar please leave a comment below. If nothing else misery loves company ๐Ÿ™‚

Entry filed under: family, frustration. Tags: .

A Round of Applause for Those Boring, Spiritually Unfulfilling Jobs Finding New Ways to Waste Less Time

13 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sense  |  March 24, 2012 at 10:52 PM

    I have a lot of problems with my sister, who I’ve talked about a lot on my blog–she’s bipolar. It sounds like your person also has some mental issues. I ended up just completely letting go of our relationship because of the poor decisions she makes, even when she is stable. She calls when she wants, the conversation goes how it goes, and of course I still love her, but I’ve stopped letting her words get to me. It is her problem, not mine, to deal with. I don’t know your situation so it is hard to give advice. Does your person actually do anything to you or do they just say stuff? Do they drag other members of your family into it? If so, it is probably best to talk to those other family members rather than the person that is causing you trouble. Some people can’t be dealt with like normal human beings because they don’t work the same way that stable, even keel people do. There is probably some jealousy around the fact that your life is so together at play, as well. Good luck, I feel your pain!!

  • 2. JT  |  March 25, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    My sister in law is like this – always causing drama and even if I try to avoid her she does her best to reach out and drag me into it. And it’s so frustrating b/c even though I try to avoid her and don’t engage, I hear about the drama she pulls other family members into (such as my in-laws are supporting her while she refuses to look for a job, and eventually I’ll get stuck supporting my in-laws). I don’t have any sort of a solution for you, but I do understand how you must feel. In my case I ignore her (she’s hidden on facebook, I don’t respond to her emails/calls/texts unless I absolutely have to, try not to see her aside from major holidays). If it were a “friend” I’d have no problem cutting her out of my life, but I adore my in-laws and don’t want to cut her off as then I’d be blamed as causing the drama (or so I fear), when in reality it would be because of her actions -but I still fear I’d be the bad guy.

  • 3. Mo  |  March 25, 2012 at 11:41 AM

    You just described my sister. She stirs up trouble everywhere she goes and also pulls the victim card. This past holiday season I saw how she operates because I ended up in an argument with her. I cut her out completely, she played the victim (which no one believed) and I felt a tremendous weight being lifted. My mom pleaded with us to reconcile. I tried to extend an olive branch and she just lashed out. I decided right then and there to tell her I would not engage in arguing with her ever again. Its the last thing I need in my life right now and the fact that I would not enable her worked wonders. I decided the best thing for our relationship was not to be in contact except for holidays/special occasions. This past month was our first meeting and it went well. We were civil and I felt no animosity. I only felt sorry for her because I’ve realized she must be unhappy in her own life and that it why she causes drama for others. The limited contact ensures I actually look forward to seeing her after x amount of months of not. I sometimes wish I could change her but know she’s an adult and has to resolve her own issues.

  • 4. Liam  |  March 25, 2012 at 8:53 PM

    So… they’re something like this?


    • 5. One Frugal Girl  |  March 26, 2012 at 10:22 PM

      Loved the pic!

  • 6. Marz  |  March 26, 2012 at 8:29 AM

    I totally feel your pain. I have known people like this my whole life. You can’t control it and since it seems to be a relative, you can’t do much except limit your association. Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you have to accept their behavior. Maybe it’s time you have a sit down talk with them and try to share with them how they come off and find out if there is anything that you can do to help them overcome their ‘drama’. Let them know that you have noticed that they are unhappy and it doesn’t seem to be working for them. Hopefully they would get the hint that they are coming off in a negative light and maybe would try to curb their ways??!! That’s what I would do, even if it was through email. I recently had this happen where I didn’t accept some behavior from a family member and since he wouldn’t talk over the phone(he lives in another state), we communicated through email. It didn’t end up like I would’ve liked but he has kept his distance and I don’t have to deal with his behavior anymore. It’s all on his plate because I expressed myself in a calm, civil manner. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Good luck!!

  • 7. One Frugal Girl  |  March 26, 2012 at 10:21 PM

    I appreciate all of your comments. I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one out there dealing with someone like this. I’m doing my best to ignore the issue for the time being and to try my best not to let the negative vibes impact my world. I would love to talk with the person about the issue, but the family simply doesn’t deal with problems that way. I think the person should understand how the drama impacts the rest of us and to let them know that we don’t want to be around them because of it.

  • 8. Jamie B  |  March 27, 2012 at 4:52 AM

    Since you’re a blogger, I’m gonna assume you spend a not-insignificant amount of time online. And that means my first advice would be to limit their presence in your online life. It follows you around and pervades everything; at least, that’s how it is for me. You probably can’t unfriend them or block them, but you can limit how much you see from them (on facebook you can hide them completely, or set it so you see less of them). You probably already do try to stay out of the drama. If they insist on bringing the drama to you (I’ve got a family member who does this), let your friends have a free rein. I call in my besties and they have a field day. It’s quite fun. And then I just pretend I wasn’t around to control the situation. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    As for offline, may I suggest “leaving your phone in another room” and “oops, bad connection”? I’m not above a little fib for my sanity. ๐Ÿ™‚

    (I hope I don’t come off as some kind of kooky stalker. I’ve been reading your blog for a while and am only de-lurking because it seems that my family is determined to drama-fy my life, so I deal with this a lot.)

  • 9. Juicer  |  March 27, 2012 at 5:03 PM

    If I don’t have any way of avoiding them, I politely confront them. It doesn’t always work out the way I would like it, but the problem is resolved, at least for me.

  • 10. symptoms of low vitiam d  |  April 5, 2012 at 3:07 PM

    what causes low vitamin d…

    I have been exploring for a little bit for any high-quality articles or blog posts in this kind of house . Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this web site. Reading this info So i am satisfied to exhibit that I’ve a very just right uncanny fee…

  • 11. j. Procario  |  April 5, 2012 at 10:22 PM

    I had been dating my wife for about 5yrs and we had talked about getting married. Well my girl gets a job teaching in a school where my sister in law and brother in law worked, Soon after i sense a change in my girlfriend and shes asking for some space and time apart from each other . As it turns out my sister in law invites another teacher and my girlfriend( her sister ) over for dinner. Well they hit it off and my girl is swept away by this guy they start seeing each other and I’m on the outs and in the dark not knowing any of this at the time. After a few weeks I call a good friend of my girls to see if she can tell me whats going on here. She was very sweet and understanding, telling me that my girl was infatuated with this guy her sister set her up with, and that she thought she was making a big mistake. I now had to decide do I let her go or do I fight to get her back. Well I loved her and couldn’t let her go without a fight. As it turned out she came back to me and i believe the reason she did was that this other guy wasn’t ready to get serious with her and was just looking for fun. Its something thats been very hard for me to live with even though we have a pretty good marriage. I have this sour feeling toward my sister in law even though we get along. its been 20yrs later and I often wounderwhat it would have been like had I just let her go and not married her. To this day I think she would have married that guy who swept her off her feet and hit her like a ton of bricks if i would have walked away. Maybe things would have turned out differently. I really struggle with this even after all these years. any comments i’d be interested in hearing

  • 12. Lesley  |  August 12, 2015 at 2:15 PM

    Well, my issues with my sister has gradually been getting worse.She is the older one, the more put together, well educated and has the “better job” , bigger house, great marriage and kids as well – so why all the drama??? I love my sister but I am fed up with her, she is tiring…lol! I don’t see her all that much for the fact she loves to create friction between family members…particularly my father and I. My father and I have had a rocky relationship for years, I am 41 and it has been since I can remember as a child. My sister and him on the other hand – perfect relationship. After a few events that took place between my father and I, I have decided for my own sanity I can not see my father at social functions – which is 3 times a year…lol! No biggie right. I didn’t mention I also work with my father, so I see him day in and day out and we are civil with each other…all fine or so I think. For years I have been getting grief from the sister about not seeing him out of work and I’m over reacting and basically said I am lying about events that took place. The funny thing is she barely sees him and really doesn’t know him, I have spent every day with him for the last 14 years I think I know who he really is. Anyways, the problem I have is she is a big mouth, everything I tell her she tells him and he will confront me and ask why he is the last to know? Now, I know they don’t see each other that much, so is she calling him?? So, he will ask her how am I and then she will spill the beans whatever it is and majority of the time it’s not that I am doing great, only the bad shit. He is at fault too, he could just ask me, I am 2 offices down from him if he really wants to know about my life he can ask…lol! So I confronted the both once again and asked them NOT to so this, I am available. Now I am the asshole…. he feels some sort of betrayal cause I didn;t tell him, though he has never asked about the situation…lol! As for my sister completely ignoring me now, geezzz so tired of them both. I broke up with my bf and just moved out and didn’t want to deal with an onslot of questions from him ( that was what my sister had to tell him) now dealing with him walking by my office turning his whole body in the opposite direction from me…lol! They are both 2 peas in a pod…I can’t help but laugh. Why is she continuously sabotaging shit with my father and I ?? I think she is jealous of…. not sure what? Or she really doesn’t like me or she is just retarded…

  • 13. Michelle  |  November 29, 2016 at 1:49 PM

    I do have to say your life sounds stable and impressive. However, with the lack of description as to what she or he is doing, its hard to say exactly how the issues could or should be dealt with. We all look at it from our one view, and when one isn’t as stable as we are, its easy to pick somebody’s flaws apart and point out how they are clearly NOT put together. I may be playing devils advocate here, but just remember that you also are not perfect. I’m sure your more stable and put together, but are you passive aggressive with them? Do you really give them the chance you think you do?
    Sometimes we get into a schedule where we can count on, and unstable people (jobs, lack of routine, new friends all the time, etc), they just don’t understand why they’re judged. Anyway, around these times of holidays, I’m just trying to ask people to look inside themselves to make the changes they’d like to see. BEST ADVICE IVE EVER RECEIVED is this: “When seeking the results you want, take emotion completely out of it, and stick with the facts”. More than likely, people tend to judge others situations and that’s how they treat them.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


onefrugalgirl AT gmail DOT com

Follow on Twitter

BlogHer Ads

Deal Nerd

Deal Nerdย provides discounts and coupon codes for the top 1,000 online stores.