Posts filed under ‘thoughts’

Telling a Story

For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to write. In the first grade my teacher recognized my keen ability to read and spell and placed me in a class better suited to my talents. Every day I would walk through a door that connected my classroom to another. Every day, for many days in a row, I cried as I left the comforts of my classmates even though I knew I would return within the hour.

As the door opened I remember unfamiliar faces staring back at me. A bunch of students who knew each other well and viewed me as an outsider among them. When my reading and writing lessons were over the teacher opened the door and led me back to my desk on the other side.

While I was away I had trouble focusing on the teacher and the lessons I was sent there to learn. I felt like I was missing something back in my own classroom. One day I returned and discovered that my classmates had been writing books in my absence. While I read books and spelled words just one room away they were drawing pictures and telling stories with fifth graders. The student who sat next to me leaned over and showed me the colorful pages of her staple bound book. Inside was a story about her cat or dog or some pet that I can’t quite remember. I stared at that book and could not look away. I felt jealous of all that I had missed and envious of all of the stories that had been told.

At six years old I felt spotlighted by my intelligence. My abilities were highlighted, but the limelight set me up for a fear of failure. What if I wasn’t as smart as everyone thought I was. After all if I was so smart that I couldn’t remain among my peers, then by golly I didn’t want to mess up a word in the teacher’s weekly spelling bee. I was the “smart” girl: a label that thirty-five years later still sticks to me.

My oldest child received the same stamp this year in kindergarten. His classmates wrote valentine’s cards proclaiming him “so smart” and the “smartest kid in the class” and at six year’s old he already senses the desire to prove everyone right and ensure he never gets anything wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, I fully recognize that being “smart” is not the worst label a child can be assigned, but nonetheless at that time in my life I didn’t want the light to shine on me. My shyness begged me to stay seated in the back of the classroom, but the teachers recognized my abilities and encouraged me to move out of my comfort zone even if that meant watching tears fall from my eyes day after day as I walked between that door to a seat on the other side of the wall.

My six year old asks many questions from the back seat of the car. The other day he asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told him I wanted to write a book and I told him that I learned to read and spell at a very young age.  Ultimately I told him the story of that first grade classroom. That room in which everyone wrote a book; well everyone other than me.

It was the first time in forty years that I understood where my desire came from. Perhaps it is as much about writing a story as it is feeling that my story was never told.

July 11, 2018 at 5:56 PM Leave a comment

Becoming a Millionaire

I am obsessed with ESI’s Millionaire Interviews. Nineteen years ago I was a recent graduate who could barely afford to pay for food and rent. Now I could answer all of those ESI questions myself. What does it take to become a millionaire? How do thoughts and actions result in piles of money for some people and nothing but debt for others? I’ve been absent from this blog for a very long time, but I suddenly feel the need to tell my story.

May 8, 2018 at 2:07 PM 1 comment

What I Truly Wanted

I cannot get this quote out of my head… From the Mortified Podcast –

“The question was once posed to me how I would wish to be remembered… Recently I discovered what it is I truly wanted. I just want to be missed. The how or why of it wouldn’t really matter as long as I held the knowledge that someone somewhere really and truly missed me for who I am.”

May 5, 2018 at 9:27 PM Leave a comment

What is Your First Money Memory?


One of my most vivid memories of money came at the age of 11. I became friends with the new girl at school. The new girl and her family moved into a brand new neighborhood that had popped up about a mile from my home. I visited her one Saturday afternoon and was amazed at the size of the home she lived in. It was easily two to three sizes larger than the tiny rancher my family and I lived in. It was also the first home I had ever been in with a ‘guest’ room. It boggled my mind to think that a home could be large enough to have a bedroom that was unoccupied 99% of the time. But at the time I honestly don’t remember thinking “this girl’s family has more money than mine”. I don’t think I equated the size of her home with money.

A few months later though I learned the clear difference between her family’s spending habits and my own. My mother and I were invited on a shopping trip with my friend and her mother. In middle school I desperately wanted to fit in, as all children do, and like any other girl I thought brand name clothes were my ticket to the top of the popularity pyramid. When we arrived at the mall we first went to the Limited. My friend and I tried on clothes while the two moms chatted. Shortly after we emerged from the dressing room with the clothes we wanted. I remember my mom looking at the items I selected. She picked up each item and glanced at the price tags. The other mom didn’t even look at the pile of clothes on my friend’s arm, she simply grabbed them and walked over to the register. While in that store, my mom asked “are you sure these are the clothes you want?” I remember, because she asked me that question at least two or three times. I answered “yes” and she paid for them.

As we continued to shop my friend purchased new clothes from every single store we went in. As my friend’s mom walked up to the register in the second store, my mom turned to me, and said “we just can’t keep buying clothes.” There was something in my mother’s eyes that day. She seemed disappointed that she couldn’t buy more for me. She seemed saddened watching my friend’s mother buy outfit after outfit. My mom didn’t make another purchase that day. It is one of the first true memories I have of the significance of money. Interestingly, my mom remembers that day too. I had a falling out a few years later with that friend. Now 18 years after that incident, my mom said, “I can’t believe how many outfits that woman bought for her daughter.” Obviously, that was a significant day for both of us. It was my first glimpse into the feelings of inadequacy that can be brought on by the lack of money.

August 1, 2016 at 10:00 AM Leave a comment

Forming a Relationship with Money


There is no better way to tell a tale than to start at the beginning, and so to comprehend my current finances you must first understand my relationship with money. When I think back on my life, even back to the earliest years of childhood, I have very specific memories of money. Despite the fact that I lived in a middle-class, one-income, family I rarely remember going without as a child. So given that fact, it seems particularly odd that I would remember those rare occasions so vividly.

Take for example, my 9-year-old desire to play the piano. While all the other girls I knew wanted to join the band and play the flute or violin I desperately wanted to play the piano. Honestly, I can’t even remember where I got the inspiration, I don’t remember any of my friends or neighbors playing as a child. For months I begged my parents to buy me a piano and finally one Saturday afternoon we arrived at Stu’s music shop. I remember the way the store was laid out, how the pianos took precedence in the middle of the floor, while guitars and trumpets hung on the walls behind them. The keys looked so black and shiny that I couldn’t resist sitting before them and tapping. I’m sure, my parent’s wanted to fulfill my 9-year-old dream more than anything else in the world, but within moments of our arrival it was all to apparent that they could not afford a piano. I remember the expression on my parent’s faces as we walked out of the music store, minutes later, empty handed.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, in that moment I formed a distinct association between pain and money. In this case, the pain my parent’s felt in disappointing me. There are other moments in my childhood, like this, that I remember. I’m sure if you think back to your childhood you too can recall incidents with money, whether positive, like the time my dad found money at the ocean, or negative, like the time I lost a roll full of quarters at the carnival.

Although my parent’s didn’t set out to teach me about money that Saturday afternoon, lessons were learned, and ideas unknowingly formed in my 9-year-old mind. I cannot say for certain how that moment affected my relationship with money, but I can say that as an adult I have always been particularly cognizant of the correlation between money and goals. Obviously, not all dreams require money, but many of them do, and so I make a conscious decision with every purchase, to spend today or save for the goals of tomorrow.

If you are reading this, I encourage you to think about your relationship with money and the memories and experiences that have formed those correlations. If the relationship is negative, now is your chance to reflect on it and change it. Looking back on that moment in the music store I could have formed a million different thoughts and feelings about money. Of all the lessons I could have learned, I chose to recognize that saving money can help me reach future goals, while spending will decrease my chance of reaching them.

July 20, 2016 at 12:00 PM Leave a comment

When You Stop Worrying About Money

My son snowboarded out west for the first time this year. The price tag for two days worth of lessons was just under $500. Surprisingly, I did not bat an eye. No. I happily pulled out my wallet and wholeheartedly believe that money was well spent.  By the second day he was riding the chair lift up the mountain and sliding down with an instructor by his side.

I considered my reaction to such a big expense a fluke. I weigh every financial decision, both big and small, so surely I would go back to my penny pinching ways.

But imagine my surprise this past weekend when I happily handed over $200 for custom insoles and a new pair of running shoes. I didn’t compare the prices of shoes in the store or ask myself if I really needed new insoles. Nope. I walked in knowing what I wanted and handed over my credit card without any hesitation.

It doesn’t end there. Today I walked into a gym near my home and paid seventy dollars for a one and a half month membership. I also paid $6 to the most expensive parking meter I have ever seen.

Why the change of heart? We have a very large financial cushion in the bank and shrinking mortgages.

While I don’t want to become frivolous with my money I do want to spend it on the things that matter to me. Like getting in better shape and providing enriching experiences to my son.

Plus with two kids constantly undertow I simply don’t want to waste time pinching every penny. I have enough things to think about during the day and I don’t want money to be one of them.

April 12, 2016 at 10:48 PM 1 comment

Questions about Flying with Kids?

A few thoughts/questions about travel on this snowing evening:

  • We plan to fly out west next month and I am unbelievably concerned about a four hour flight with an eleven month old. We opted NOT to buy a seat for the little guy and I am a bit terrified that he’ll fuss the entire time as he tries to climb on and off our laps. My husband isn’t great with crying babies let alone the other passengers on the plane. Is this one of those times where saving money will come back to haunt me? There are still seats available. Should I buy one for him?
  • We are staying in a condo for three days and a hotel for the fourth. Since the condo has a washer and dryer I plan to pack only three sets of clothes for each of us. By the time I pack coats, snow pants, gloves and all that other fun ski gear I figure I won’t get much else into the bag. Since we’re carrying a car seat and a booster seat I’d prefer to check only one bag and have my husband, four year old son and I carry lightweight backpacks on the plane. It’s tough to hold a baby, hold my older son’s hand, a car seat and luggage. I think it would be best if we can cram everything into one bag so my husband can carry the car seat and roll the luggage while I keep hold of the kids. Does that seem possible?

January 23, 2016 at 5:37 PM 4 comments

Paying it Forward: The Kindness of Strangers


I recently read the story of Matthew Jackson and cannot get this young man’s good deed out of my mind. If you aren’t familiar with the story read the details below:

Jamie Lynne-Knighten is on a mission to pay it forward to honor a good Samaritan who was killed 24 hours after picking up her $200 grocery bill.

On November 10, Knighten had a crying 5-month old baby in her arms, a cart full of groceries and a line forming behind her at an Oceanside, California, Trader Joe’s checkout counter when she realized she had left her debit card at home.

The mother of two attempted to pay her more than $200 tab with her credit card that declined repeatedly due to anti-fraud lock. As she was attempting to reach her credit card company get the lock lifted, a young man in line behind her offered to help.

“The gentleman behind me quietly says ‘May I?’ ” she recalled in a Facebook post about the encounter. “I’m overwhelmed and didn’t think I heard him correctly so he repeats ‘May I? May I take care of your groceries?’ ”

When she refused, the man, 28-year-old Matthew Jackson, asked again.

“This time I look at him and he says ‘I would be glad to take care of your groceries as long as you promise to do it for someone else..’ and I came to realize how much it would mean to him if I humbly accepted,” she continued.

Now crying, Knighten asked the young man for his name and where he worked, hoping to find a way to acknowledge or repay his good deed later.

Unable to stop thinking about the kind stranger, Knighten called Jackson’s boss at LA Fitness more than a week later to share his kindness and ask about sending a gift.

“That’s when [the manager] started crying,” Knighten told NBC San Diego.

The manager then explained that Jackson had been killed in a car accident less than 24 hours after the chance encounter at Trader Joe’s, the Los Angeles Times reports.

As a mom of two small children, (four and 8 months), I can only imagine how stressed this woman felt and how happy she must have been to receive assistance from a complete stranger.

This morning I was also helped by someone I never met before. I walked into Macy’s carrying two huge boxes and pushing my son’s stroller. When I reached the counter the cashier informed me that I could not return housewares in the clothing department and that I would have to take the elevator downstairs.  It was difficult enough to get from the car to the checkout counter without dropping anything and the idea of walking any farther seemed logistically impossible.

I asked the cashier to make an exception, but she simply said “no” and pointed to the elevator on the other side of the store. A very kind young customer turned and offered to help. She took the two boxes and offered to meet me downstairs. She not only met me down there, but also offered to walk them all the way to the housewares department.

I asked if I could do anything for her, but she smiled and said ‘I’m a flight attendant. I like helping people.” She smiled, turned and walked away. There are so many good people in this world and my encounter today and Matthew’s story above are a reminder of all that is right.

December 2, 2015 at 5:11 PM 1 comment

Odds and Ends in September


A few odds and ends…

  • I wasted too much time this past month dealing with a very toxic relationship. Unfortunately, I haven’t resolved the problem but I have gained a new perspective on the situation. I would like to know why nasty people are always dragging the rest of us down. Isn’t it amazing how a positive person can make you feel happy and a negative one can pull you right down into the mud?
  • In financial news we spent another $20,000 remodeling and upgrading our house. The house feels so much more spacious and open now, but in the past year we’ve spent over $60,000 to improve it! It sounds crazy, especially since we are considering moving in the next few years. The school district here isn’t the greatest, so we need to decide between private school and moving.
  • My son started his second year of preschool two weeks ago and was already struck by his first cold. How on earth do we prevent the transfer of germs while he is in school? We wash hands as often as possible and clean all of his plastic lunch containers in the dishwasher. I’m considering taking off all of his clothes each afternoon and moving them to the laundry room. Last year he was sick every few weeks and most of the time the rest of us got sick too. I would really like to avoid that this year, but I have a feeling I won’t be able to.
  • While the oldest is in school my youngest and I run as many errands as possible. It’s much easier to get out of the house with a baby then a baby and a preschooler, but all of these trips are costing me money. It’s so easy to pick up a few extra items in Costco or Target.
  • In other news I’ve completely curtailed my desire to purchase new books. I receive a few books through a book review program and pick up the rest from the library. Who knew it was so easy to place items on hold? I can now get in and out of the library within ten minutes. In fact, finding a place to park and walking into the library takes longer than picking up the books or checking them out!
  • My son will turn four in a few weeks and due to the drama mentioned above my husband and I need to host two separate birthday parties. My son won’t mind celebrating twice, but I don’t really want to bake two separate birthday cakes. I’m considering making strawberry shortcakes or something else fun. I even saw a cute idea for turning pound cake into miniature birthday cakes; maybe we’ll take that approach.
  • I also need to create a list of birthday gift ideas for our family members. Every year I add items to my son’s Amazon wish list and let people choose among the options or pick something on their own. I think our families would rather review the list and pick their favorite then come up with ideas on their own.
  • I’m happy that cooler weather has arrived, but I am not looking forward to the winter; bundling the boys in coats and mittens is not fun. Speaking of which I need to buy my oldest a winter coat. I’m heading to a consignment sale this week. Let’s hope I can look for the coat and not pick up a bunch of unnecessary items.

September 22, 2015 at 12:33 PM 1 comment

Are Those Family Heirlooms Worth Anything at All?


At my previous job I was offered a gift after five years of employment. What was five years worth? $200 seemed the going rate as each gift in the selected catalog was roughly equivalent to that amount.

At the time I waffled between two options: a very girly, pink bike and an ornate Waterford vase. At the time our garage was filled to the brim with shelves full of stuff. I already owned a bike, (though not a pale pink one), and had no room to store another, so I settled on the vase. If I could go back in time I would probably pick anything other than that vase, but at the time I was recently married and it seemed like the perfect choice to fill my new china cabinet.

Fast forward another ten years and the china cabinet is no longer in residence here. The plates, cups and saucers have all moved out so art supplies and children’s toys can occupy that space. The china was transported to the attic, though I doubt we’ll ever remove it from there. But what about that Waterford vase? What on earth could I do with it? It was heavy and unfortunately not designed for a large bouquet. When we brought flowers home they stood too stiffly inside it’s confided area and looked quite stifled and tight in there.

I wondered if I could sell that vase? I searched eBay for similar items, but even at low prices it seemed no one wanted the piece I owned. I found a few companies offering to buy Waterford, but none of them wanted it either.

I was told the number of crystal collectors is rapidly declining. “Who wants crystal,” one representative asked. “These days people want big screen televisions and trips to Tahiti.”

He went on to tell me that as the older generation passes away many children, (now in their 50s and 60s), have no desire to keep these family heirlooms. After all, even those who regularly entertain rarely do so with crystal goblets and sterling silver flatware.

We are a perfect example of this. We rarely host events, but our last party involved a backyard barbeque. We served food on paper plates with plastic cups and filled a wheelbarrow full of beer.

If we are representative of our generation it’s not difficult to see why the value of Waterford and other fine crystal is falling. There simply isn’t a market out there. Very few people want the stuff and even fewer are willing to pay good money to acquire it.

My family owns quite a bit of cut glass but I’ve never eaten off those plates or poured wine into those delicate glasses. This wasn’t the case for my grandmother who used them daily as a child. Even my mom remembers being served lemonade from crystal pitchers. This hasn’t been the case in my lifetime. I’ve only seen them behind glass doors, inside a china cabinet covered with a thin layer of dust.

I understand collecting beauty for beauty’s sake, but I doubt our generation or the one that follows will have much need or desire for china or crystal.

As for me, I no longer wish to own something I have no intention of using. If it is going to sit in a cabinet and take up space I’d prefer to pass it on to someone who might covet it.

As for my Waterford, I donated it. I hope it finds a new home where it can be treasured.

August 11, 2015 at 1:33 PM Leave a comment

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