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Thoughtless Gifts: Disappointed by Cheap Gifts

thoughtless gift giving

How do you respond to thoughtless gift giving? I spend a lot of time choosing gifts for others, but I feel like one particular person spends little to no time choosing gifts for me. Should I continue searching for the perfect gifts for them or resort to buying thoughtless gifts as they do for me?

Thoughtless Gift Giving

Being on the receiving end of thoughtless gift giving stinks. Every Christmas, I spend countless hours buying gifts for extended family members. Yet I often receive generic, thoughtless gifts in return. Last year I received a particularly crappy, five-dollar present as part of a family exchange. 

Before anyone jumps in and says, “maybe the gift giver can’t afford more than that,” I will say with absolute certainty that they can. This particular person had no problem providing more thoughtful, expensive gifts to other family members.

It’s obvious they don’t want to spend the time searching for gifts for me.

Thoughtless Gifts

I spent a good deal of time and money buying gifts for that person, but as the calendar rolls into December, I’m not sure that I want to get burned again. I’m not sure how to handle the exchange of gifts this year.

Do I continue to spend energy searching for gifts when I know full well that I won’t get anything decent in return, or do I throw in the towel and buy this particular person something equally crappy? 

Ninety-nine percent of me says to do the right thing and buy this person a lovely gift. The other one percent says forget that; put very little thought or money into it and call it a day.

When Someone Gives You A Cheap Gift

Of course, I don’t comment on the cheap gift. I say, “Thanks for thinking of me” and fake a smile. There is a time and a place to tell someone you don’t like their gift, but sitting next to the Christmas tree isn’t one of them.

Ending Gift Exchanges

Two years ago, my brother and I officially stopped giving each other gifts for Christmas. I can say without a bit of remorse that I’m glad we ended the exchange. 

It became more challenging to decide on a gift every year, and the added stress and cost just wasn’t worth it anymore. It was a mutual agreement; my brother was just as happy to end the swap as I was.

Honestly, I wish I could end the majority of my gift exchanges. I prefer Christmas to work like Thanksgiving, where we drive to someone’s house, eat good food, spend quality time together, and head home.

Unfortunately, I cannot envision a way to end the exchange altogether. That would be my preferred solution to this problem, but I don’t see a way to make it happen without a more massive conflict arising.

So what do you think? Have you ever been faced with a terrible gift giver? Do you have advice on how to handle my situation?

Rachel

Sunday 19th of December 2021

I know no one has commented here in awhile, but reading these stories made me want to share. I also have a thoughtless gift giver family member. She makes me so irritated! It has nothing to do with the monetary value. It’s the fact that there’s absolutely no planning and zero thought involved. She could give me nothing and I’d be happier with that. For years, I’ve given her sentimental presents I knew she’d love. And she has. One year I got her a necklace with a heart shaped pendant that had a pic of her and her recently deceased mother on it. I also got her a custom bangle with her name on it. Another year I bought her snow boots and a matching jacket with her initials on both. Another year, some beautiful leather boots she mentioned she wanted. Her usual routine is, on the way to my house Christmas Day, she will stop at CVS and get me chapstick, a coffee mug, some socks. Another time, socks, lotion, body wash. One year it was a box of chocolate and some tea. I don’t drink tea and she knows that. Then she says, “sorry, I’m broke,” or “I didn’t have time.” Which isn’t the truth, she just places zero effort into it and uses that as an excuse. She works for a giant, national retailer, and has all year to prepare, and use her employee discount! *end of rant*

One Frugal Girl

Friday 24th of December 2021

I stopped exchanging gifts with the person who provided me with cheap ones. Can you suggest forgoing exchanges? The holidays are so much better now without them!

Brenda

Monday 21st of December 2020

I'm a single parent with very limited income, but I have always bought or handmade meaningful, personal gifts unique to each person. Meanwhile, my parents and sibling - both quite wealthy - give my children and I literal garbage - used and broken dishes, used and stained clothing like men's sweatpants three sizes too large with an open fly (I'm a business woman not a lumberjack who pees in the woods), defective items the local charity store would not accept, musty junk from their basements, an expired box of cake mix, etc. Rather than throw their trash out - they simply stick it in an overused, mangled gift bag with someone else's name written on the tag...and give it to me. Since childhood, for birthdays, dad likes to play a sadistic game - telling me he will "help" with something he knows I need ... but has no intention of following through. As a child at Christmas, he'd bring me to look at the gifts my mother had wrapped beneath the tree, tell me to find a package with my name on it. He would then tell me he was returning the item because I didn't deserve to receive any gifts. He would explain that they didn't love me, and how my existence was a financial burden. There was physical abuse to accompany the emotional and verbal. No wonder I throw up every Christmas. Most dreaded time of year. I often think of the sentiment "It's the thought that counts." Precisely.

One Frugal Girl

Wednesday 23rd of December 2020

Hi Brenda, Thank you for leaving a comment. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I do hope you learn to enjoy Christmas again one day. It sounds like you were in a very abusive relationship and I do hope you find the peace you need to clear these thoughts from your mind. Everyone deserves to feel love in the gifts they receive. It would be better to get a hand written card of appreciation than a pile of stuff that feels thoughtless. I wish you the very best this Christmas!

Emily @ Simple Cheap Mom

Sunday 23rd of November 2014

This year my sister and I decided we'd just buy for the kids and I'm very happy with our decision.

In your case, maybe talk to the gift giver to set some parameters for your gift exchange this year. They might be just as put off by last year's experience if they feel that you had got them something too nice.

If not, I'd just focus on the joy of giving and get them whatever you'd like to. Expect something crappy and you might be surprised.

One Frugal Girl

Wednesday 26th of November 2014

I definitely keep hoping that this year will be different. In the mean time, as much as I want to, I don't have the heart to buy something crappy. It's just not in me.

I really wish we could stop the gift giving tradition among siblings on my husband's side. We can all afford to buy our own things, I just wish I could find some way to broach the subject without everyone thinking I don't like this particular family member. This is the first year this particular couple has a child, so maybe taking the 'kids only' approach can be my suggestion for next Christmas.

Michelle

Sunday 23rd of November 2014

I have a sister in law that has given our family crappy gifts for the last 20 years. Before kids, we had a $50 per person limit. One year my husband and I got school supplies. Spiral notebooks and folders. We were taking some college courses, but we're well into the classes and certainly did not need these. Fast forward to the last few years. I carefully pick out clothing for her children, she gives my son a best buy gift card and a box of candy, purchased on the way to the hosts house. She attaches the gift receipt, so I can tell it was bought last minute. I wouldn't be mad if she did not go all out on other nieces and nephews. I sadly have to just take a deep breath and deal with it.

One Frugal Girl

Wednesday 26th of November 2014

Thanks for the comment! One of the worst parts of the gift giving experience is watching everyone else receive thoughtful gifts and then opening your gift and finding office supplies or in my case tube socks! Tube socks? Seriously, cheap, generic and definitely not something I asked for though I suppose they are something I can always use.

It sounds like you continue to provide thoughtful gifts and I'm afraid to say as much it frustrates me I probably will too :(

Little Miss Moneybags

Saturday 22nd of November 2014

We were able to come out and say that we're done exchanging gifts with other adults in our families. We are happy to shop for our nieces and nephews, but we're done buying stuff for people who have their own money. Some people are miffed that we are "ruining" Christmas, but this works better for us. And yes, last year we sat around while everyone else opened presents and we had nothing to give and nothing to open, and it was fine.

This year, the entire family suggested doing a name drawing to buy one gift for one other adult, and we agreed to participate - it's a middle ground and we thought we might compromise. As it turns out, I'm feeling a lot of pressure about getting the right gift again (especially because this time I only have to buy ONE, so of course it has to be PERFECT), and it's making me rethink participating next year. We'll see what everybody else thinks about it.

One Frugal Girl

Wednesday 26th of November 2014

Interesting. I hadn't considered that only choosing one person to give to means you have to find them the most perfect gift. If the goal is to reduce stress it seems that solution might not be working for you.

In the case of my brother and sister-in-law they seemed genuinely relieved, which made the decision really easy. In the case of my parents we only buy one gift for each and this year I convinced them to only buy my husband and I one too with no pressure about making it something we love :)

Did anyone say why they weren't happy with your decision? I am surprised that people still want to give gifts when giving the opportunity to get out of the tradition. It was such a relief to me.