For the first time, in a very long time, I felt embarrassed last night as my husband and I entertained a few friends in our home. Our living room consists of a hodge-podge of mismatched furniture. Our TV stand, one of those old heavy wooden ones, was a hand-me-down from my in-laws. Our large and lumpy plaid sofa was purchased eight years ago for my husband’s first apartment.
The green, red, and yellow stripes clash with the soft blue paint on our walls. The sides of the couch have been shredded by the claws of our two cats and we keep sticky tape on the edges to prevent further tears. The coffee table in front of the couch was a hand-me-down from my husband’s cousin and the top of the table is full of large marks and scratches. The chairs in our living room are a mismatch of IKEA furniture and almost every piece of upholstered material is covered in cat hair despite the fact that I am constantly vacuuming.
Lots of people have visited our house in the last seven years and strangely enough this is the first time I’ve been embarrassed by the disarray of furniture in our living room. Up until now most of our friends have been in similar housing situations. Less than ten years out of college they too have a hodge-podge of hand-me-downs scattered across their bare apartments. But last night as our friends entered the living room I felt a small surge of embarrassment swelling inside of me. Compared to the immaculate homes of our friends, our house suddenly felt like a run down shack.
I was a bit surprised by this feeling, but oddly enough, I was even more surprised that this initial sense of embarrassment quickly converted into a strange sense of pride. For the most part, I like to think that my husband and I spend our money exactly the way we want to. We carefully consider and discuss the major purchases in our lives and more often than not we decide to hold off spending on things that just aren’t urgent. There is no need to rush to buy new furniture when the IKEA furniture works perfectly well for our two spoiled cats. There is no need to buy a new television, when in reality we hardly ever watch TV.
Before heading to bed I thought long and hard about the disarray of our living room in the context of the larger vision of our lives. Lately, my husband has been trying his hand as a semi-professional photographer and we’ve spent a large sum of money on new cameras and photo equipment. I’d much rather invest the money in his dreams then in furniture that fills our living room. In all due honesty, there are a million ways I’d rather invest the money.
I want to retire early, pay off our homes by age 40, pursue my passions and enjoy every day with my husband. In that moment, just before falling sleep, I found myself smiling at all that I have in my life. In all the joys in my life. The state of my living room furniture, is in fact, one of the last thoughts on my mind.
Sometimes I do! We live in an affluent community, but my husband and I are both pretty frugal. Our neighborhood is filled with BMWs and Audis. I think we’re the only ones that have a Hyundai and a 10-year-old Buick. Even though we look different than everyone else, I’d rather be a little embarrassed than feel scared about losing our house.
I do sometimes, then I remind myself that two of my closest friends live in what could be kindly referred to as a “dump.” (Their word, not mine!) They have stacks of books all over the floors and chairs. Old, cat-hair-covered furniture. Their place is in a constant state of disrepair- yet it’s the most comfortable, fun place to hang out! They always have lots of people over and it’s very warm and friendly. So I tell myself that people still love us, even if our place looks a little “dumpy”, as long as we make it a fun/warm place to hang out.
If your “friends” have to checkout your home and possessions, they’re not your friends. I’m always surprised when I visit someone’s home and they have to give me a “tour”. Why? I’m there to visit with them. If I wanted to visit a furniture store, I’d find one.
My home is a mix of furniture we bought new and unfinished and finished (stained and polyurethaned) ourselves, along with furniture that I recovered from curb piles, furniture we got used, and a sectional we got new. It works for us and our toddler and our two cats (though, the used couch isn’t very comfortable and I’d like to replace it because I currently refuse to sit on it, as it hurts my behind!).
Like the previous poster said, if your friends rate you on the “quality” of your possessions, you might want to rethink the value of those “friendships”.
Not really. If I am embarrassed by anything it’s because of things like not having dishes done for like a week or having stuff laying around all the time. How much I do, or don’t, pay for things never really bothers me. Hand-me-downs and gifts are never anything to scoff at. Some of my hand-me-downs have lasted longer than some new stuff that we’ve bought. As long as you are happy, what does it matter what others think? Sure, new stuff is nice, but hand-me-downs and thrift shop finds have character and can often be just as comfortable or nice as new items.
It is all about choices. You have made the choice to spend the money the way you have spent it – of course you shouldn’t be embarrassed by it, it was your choice.
interesting that it is just this set of friends comming that made you feel uncomfortable about your home. I think that is more of the question. Why them?
Pat in Kitchener
This is the first time I’ve read your blog. I will be reading it more often. I like your attitude, and I share it. Your way of thinking about things is great. Keep it up, and I’ll be reading it.
You can get fairly cheap sheets at discount stores. Throw matching sheets over the furniture and it instantly matches. Plus, you can take it off and throw it in the washer to get rid of pet hair.
Anyhow, we don’t even have furniture, realyy. We had a hand-me-down futon frame with a secondhand (but totally clean!) futon on it in the living room, set up in a lounging bed style because when it was set up as a couch, it was way too low to the ground.
We don’t have a TV or anything else of that nature. We have exactly four chairs in the house. Two at our tiny dining room table, two in the office.
When we have friends over, we sit on the floor to eat. But…I lived in Korea for two years and my boyfriend is Korean, so we can get away with claiming Korean culture status (which it is). Ha!
As long as you are happy with your choices, that is all that matters. If they’re your friends, I doubt they even notice/d any of it. š