Finding Myself Again


As part of my fanatical decluttering I gave away the majority of my wardrobe. To be honest I grew tired of looking at drawers full of clothes that didn’t seem to fit properly anymore. Some items didn’t really suit my taste and others were from a time long gone by.

There were those button down shirts that I bought back in 1999, (the year after I graduated from college,) and beautiful dresses that I never had an occasion special enough to wear, but there were also many articles of clothing that simply didn’t feel right when I put them on. I blame that on pregnancy, nursing and let’s be honest just not exercising as often as I should.

After two pregnancies and many months nursing the clothes I did wear were stretched out and threadbare. I liked the comfort of my pull-down nursing tops. They made it so easy to feed my sons without having to lift my shirt or remove any clothing. For years I allowed that convenience and comfort to outweigh that frumpy feeling.

But recently I started going to the gym late at night long after the boys are in bed. It’s a way to get out of the house for an hour or so, alone and uninterrupted. Some people go to the gym to get fit or to lose weight. I’m simply not sure where else to go late at night; free from the constant neediness of my children.

Of course, exercise has helped me shed a few pounds and while I’ve only lost five or ten it seems I’ve lost all of it right around my middle. My pants are suddenly slipping off my hips and my shirts are hanging strangely from my body.

The weight loss is great, but the best thing about my new found late night independence is that I am beginning to feel like myself again. After leaving my job to stay home with the boys my persona became “all about mom”, but after four long and happy years, it’s now time to turn the focus back to myself.

Of course the result of losing weight is the need for a new wardrobe. I don’t need a ton of clothes, but I do need items in just about every category; new pants, shirts, shirts and dresses. I started my search online, looking for sales and adding coupon and promotion codes from places like I also ventured to outlet stores and even the local mall in search of new items.

Of course, I worry about making the same fashion mistakes all over again. Will I end up with drawers and hangers full of clothes that I’ll never wear? To be safe I’m keeping all of my receipts and noting the deadline for returns. I’m also consulting my husband and mom for advice. I plan to try on things and get a thumbs up before removing any tags.

I’ve never really been the kind of girl who gives fashion much thought, so it feels strange to stand in front of a full length mirror assessing how clothes fit three of the last four days. Despite the odd feeling I know I must press on.

When all is said and done I hope to get rid of the last few stretched out, baggy pants and shirts that are now much too big for me. It’s time to focus on feeling better, looking better and getting back to me. The “me” that has an identity outside of “mom.”

1 thought on “Finding Myself Again”

  1. I recently went through the same struggle of what to buy after baby. My body was completely different.

    Before purchasing consider building a capsule wardrobe. It’s a roadmap so that you are buying pieces that are of decent quality for your budget. You want items that will be work horses without all the fuss and clutter. I tend to visits sites like Project 333 and for inspiration. Take your time to look for items that look great on YOU. If you find something that makes you look and feel awesome – get it and don’t look back even if it is a little pricy. Also, pay attention to the items that you reach for that are simply missing from your closet. Make a note so that when you are shopping, it’s with purpose.

    Enjoy this new phase! Getting back to yourself is exciting.


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