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Financial Favoritism: Giving More Money to One Child

Financial Favoritism: Giving More Money to One Child

Do you think parents should provide financial assistance to their adult children? If so, do you think they should do so equally, or is it okay for parents to give more money to one child? Is providing an unequal inheritance or favoring one child financially ever fair? Is inequality always a sign of sibling favoritism?

Questions like these pour into my inbox each month. These letters come from distressed and heartbroken readers who are trying to figure out how to deal with financial unfairness from their parents.

What happens when parents financially support a sibling? Does that child become dependent on his or her parent’s money? Does he or she ever learn to break free from the cycle of handouts?

How do financial gifts impact the other siblings? What happens when that sibling favoritism continues into adulthood?

Each time I open one of these letters, I pause, reflect on my thoughts, and respond as honestly as possible. The first set of questions arrived in an email six years ago. Since then, a slew of letters have trickled into my inbox, including one I received two days ago.

Why do they keep coming, and what do readers hope to gain by reaching out to me? The answers may surprise you.

Parents Favoring One Child Financially

Six years ago, I watched a close family member deal with issues of sibling rivalry. After a lifetime of witnessing financial favoritism, he began to break down.

It’s hard to watch someone you love struggle this way. After wrestling with my own thoughts, I wrote a short post about it. I described a set of parents that continually give more money to one child.

To be clear, I’m not talking about grown children with special needs or emotional or physical hardships. Splitting an estate into equal amounts may not be possible when one adult child requires more financial resources to survive and thrive. In these situations, estate planning must take these different needs into account.I’m talking about two healthy adult children who have similar capabilities and intelligence.

The story plays out in families everywhere. One child works hard, saves his or her money, and succeeds in life. That child doesn’t watch his or her siblings act the same way. Instead, he or she watches them play hard, have fun, and struggle to pay their bills.

Parents fill the gap between the second sibling’s income and the life he or she wants to lead. As the days turn into months and years, the depth of financial inequality grows.

The rest of the children witness this financial unfairness. They continue to watch their parents financially support a sibling—a sibling who is unwilling to make it on their own.

As the scale tips in favor of one child over another, the resentment between siblings builds. When the emotional toll becomes unbearable, sibling relationships shatter.

Favoring One Child Over Another

It’s been many years since I wrote that post, but the old timestamp doesn’t deter readers from reaching out to me. I still receive heartfelt emails from readers who stumble upon it. These readers feel broken and defeated by financial favoritism in their family.

They reach out for comfort. They want someone to say I understand and I’m sorry. The pain in those letters is palpable. The raw emotions often bring me to tears.

How to Deal With Parents Who Favor Another Sibling

One letter begins; “My parents favor my older sister, and it hurts me to see them together.” Another says, “I feel left out of my whole family. How can I deal with parents who favor my sibling and have favored her for years?”

The third reads, “Why do my parents favor the bad child? My parents favor my brother over me and buy him everything. He is selfish and only cares about himself. My parents never give me any money.”

I am not a trained psychologist. I’m just a blogger who writes about money. I read these words and provide my opinion when readers ask for it.

After years of reading those letters, I felt the need to revisit this topic. I hope that others will stumble upon this new post. I hope they will find an outlet to express their thoughts and feelings.

My Parents Favor My Brother Over Me

Let’s discuss a hypothetical scenario—picture two biological sons raised in the same household. The first grown child is a go-getter. He works hard in school, graduates on time, and secures a decent job after college.

As the years wear on, his salary increases. This sibling earns money and saves. He doesn’t live an extravagant life by any means. He eats at home, drives old cars, and vacations close to home.

The second grown child does not take advantage of his opportunities. He fails out of college and begins working at a lower starting salary than his brother. He burns through money as quickly as he earns it.

My Parents Keep Giving My Brother Money

When he runs out of cash, this brother is happy to spend his parent’s money. He consistently accepts their handouts and always chooses the pricier options in life.

His parents buy him a house and an expensive car. They do not offer the other child any of these benefits. This enables the favored child to spend his own money on extravagant vacations.

He can spend money on anything his heart desires. If he goes into debt, his parents hand out money to repair his bad spending habits and poor life decisions.

Now put yourself in those shoes. What if your parents buy your brother everything he wants. What if you pay for the things you need while your brother spends your parents money without batting an eyelash? How does it feel when your parents favor your brother over you? How does it feel when your parents keep giving him money?

My Parents Favor My Sister Over Me

Now let’s discuss a second scenario. This time picture two biological daughters raised in the same household. In this example, the older child chooses a career in engineering while the younger child chooses a career in teaching. Again the first child can afford the items she desires. The second child cannot.

In this case, should the parents provide financial assistance to the younger sister? Should they buy her sports equipment, summer vacations, and a down payment on a house or new car? Should they buy nice things because she cannot afford them?

If you were the parent in these scenarios, would you offer financial assistance? Would you answer the same way for the scenario for both examples? Did the details of the story cause you to react differently? How would it feel if your parents provided your brother or sister with a handful of cash, but didn’t offer you any?

Now imagine you are a sibling in these examples.

My Parents Bought My Sibling a House

How would you feel if your parents bought your sibling a house and didn’t give you anything at all? Maybe your parents helped your brother buy a home he could never afford on his own, or your dad secretly pays your brothers’ rent. How does it feel when you watch house prices rise and know you can’t save up for a down payment?

Maybe you’ve approached your parents for money. Do they refuse to give you cash or tell you they can’t help? In a perfect world, your parents provide financial assistance for your first place, but if you’ve read this far, you know the world isn’t perfect.

parents giving more money to one child

Parents Giving More Money To One Child

As a parent, would you be willing to give more money to one child than another? If you are willing to offer your adult children money, you are not alone. Nearly 75% of parents are helping their children financially.

Many parents provide financial assistance to their adult children, but what happens when gifts aren’t handed out equally? Is it ever okay for parents to give more money to one child? What happens when parents keep giving more money to one child? What happens when sibling favoritism continues into adulthood?

Children can grow into angry, frustrated adults. Imagine yourself in the same situation. How would you feel if your parents gave money to one child without ever offering to help you?

The examples above are not fictitious stories. They are real-world examples emailed by grown men and women.

Why do readers email me? Because it feels awkward and strange to discuss this topic in the real world. Admitting that your parents favor one child financially isn’t an easy task. It’s one of those dirty money problems no one wants to talk about. Once you utter this sentiment, you can’t take back your words.

Many of my readers feel ashamed and embarrassed. They can’t talk openly for fear that others will judge them or perceive them as being greedy.

They can’t discuss the situation in real life. When they do, friends tell them to keep their noses out of their parent’s business.

“You have everything you need,” their friends tell them. “Why are you asking for equality? Things aren’t equal now. You can pay for your own stuff. Why do you care if your parents give more money to one child? Why do you want more?”

Some of you will agree with these sentiments. You may be reading this post, thinking “get over it” or “stop complaining.” You may say, “It’s the parents’ money; they can do whatever they want with it.” If you feel this way, you were most likely raised in a balanced family where you felt appreciated and loved.

I’ve never dealt with financial inequality in my own family, but I have seen it many times. In those cases, the favoritism was extensive. Parents didn’t just give one sibling more money. They gave more love and attention too.

Sibling Financial Favoritism

What is sibling financial favoritism? Financial favoritism occurs when parents provide unequal financial gifts to their children. Giving more money to one child isn’t just a monetary issue. Favoring one child financially disrupts the family balance. It can lead to a lifetime of resentment and pain.

Siblings talk about money, balance ledgers, unequal inheritances, wills, and other financial jargon. Talking this way makes them appear greedy and selfish, but in reality, this isn’t about money. Complex family dynamics create a wide range of emotions, and these grown children feel angry, sad, and distressed.

This pain extends back through childhood. It involves sibling rivalries that began when they were small. It stems from the belief that parents love one sibling more than another. They feel like their parents play favorites and provide preferential treatment to the child they love.

As young children, kids measure parental affection in hugs and kisses. As adults, they begin to equate money with love. The idea of sibling financial favoritism weighs heavily upon them. Parents who favor one child over the other leave can leave one child with deep emotional scars. It occupies their thoughts and leaves them feeling hurt and unloved.

Some of you want to know, “Why would the successful sibling feel jealous of financial inequality? If the child is financially stable, why would they care if their parents give more money to one child?”

The reasons are complex.

Helping One Child

Here is an example: One reader spoke at length about wanting to become an artist. Although she dreamed of creating art, she chooses a job as an accountant. She chose a stable, well-paid profession so she wouldn’t have to worry about paying her bills.

In contrast, her sister studied writing and dreamed of becoming a novelist. While she wrote books, her parents paid for her food and housing.

The ‘successful’ sibling was miserable. What would her life be like if she had pursued her passion? If she knew her parents would foot the bill, she would have chosen a different profession.

She was successful but miserable. The ability to pay her bills did not leave her feeling happy and fulfilled.

The same goes for many other readers who talk about working in jobs they hate. They trudge off to work while their lower-paid siblings live off their parents’ subsidies.

These readers feel less love from their parents. If they quit their jobs, would their parents support them? Most of the people who write to me believe their parents wouldn’t give them a dime.

Why Does a Parent Favor One Child?

Why does a parent favor one child? Sometimes parents gravitate towards certain children. This often happens if they have similar temperaments, personalities, or physical attributes. Other times they side with a child who is easy to get along with or one who can be easily manipulated and controlled.

Favoritism hurts. When parents favor one child financially, this pain intensifies. Sibling financial favoritism destroys relationships between family members. It’s difficult to watch a sibling get more love, attention, and financial rewards too.

Complex Feelings: Bitterness and Anger

It’s hard to stand by while a sibling receives handouts. Will your sibling ever stop spending your parents’ money? Will he or she ever stop accessing the bank of mom and dad?

It makes some adult children cry out, “It’s not fair!” Sure we all know life isn’t fair, but when the inequality stems from within the family unit, it can be harder to bear.

Some of my readers are mistaken for being greedy. One reader said she didn’t really want the money. She wanted her family to recognize that she didn’t have an amazing life.

Her parents kept telling her she had everything and to feel grateful. It didn’t matter that she was horribly unhappy in her stable job.

She said, “My sister has it so easy. She works in a job she loves, and my parents foot the other bills. In the meantime, I stare miserably at the side of a cubicle all afternoon. I’m stuck in a job I don’t love.”

Defining and Judging Needs

Many of the readers who write to me live within their means. They carefully weigh their wants and needs. Many of them drive old cars and live in smaller houses. They watch their parents pay for new cars or bigger homes for their siblings.

Disciplined adults buy used products and forgo camp for their kids. Their siblings are unwilling to live with less. They ask for money for equipment and pricey sleep away camps.

Their definition of the term needs differs greatly from their family’s definition. They want their parents to say, “no, you don’t need that pricey stuff’ and they feel hurt when that doesn’t happen.

Parents Financially Support Sibling

parents giving more money to one child

I have not experienced financial inequality from my own parents. I have seen it many times via extended family members.

Conflict arises when one sibling perceives the other as lazy. Readers say things like: If I work hard, stay on track and save my money, I can afford a house in a nice community.

If my sibling does not do these things, does he ‘deserve’ the same life that I live? Do we not make choices in our lives and have to live by the choices we made? What about the sacrifices I have made to achieve my goals?

If I choose to become a software engineer, then I may earn a lot, but I might not enjoy my job. In that case, money wins over enjoyment. If my sibling chooses to become an artist, she may love her job but not be able to afford a house in a nice community.

Resentment grows when a sibling sees his or her counterpart getting the best of both worlds: a life they enjoy and financial success (in the form of money from their parents).

The bitterness blooms when a sibling has to forge his own path in life. Then watches his parents financially support a sibling without a care in the world.

Imagine working hard in a job you don’t love to pay your mortgage. Now imagine watching your parents buy your sibling a house he can’t afford.

How does it feel for one sibling to settle into a career while the other runs up debt? Is it fair for the parents to play favorites and even the financial score?

That sibling had the time of his life and ends up right on track with his sibling, who had to work hard. Many readers are resentful of their siblings. “I didn’t enjoy the last ten years the way my sibling did, and now we are on equal ground.”

How to Deal with Financial Unfairness from Parents

How do you deal with unequal financial support from your parents? Do they divide their money in a way that feels unfair and unjustified? How do you handle their financial favoritism?

First, ask yourself, “What bothers you about your parents’ decision to give more money to your sibling?” Is it really about the money, or is there something deeper to explore?

Why are you upset about your parents’ decision to provide unequal financial gifts? Have you always felt less important than your sibling? Have your parents always treated your brother or sister differently? Do you think your parents love your sibling more than you?

What can you do in these types of situations? How can you deal with financial unfairness from your parents? First, try to accept your feelings.

It’s easy for outsiders to say, “I wouldn’t be upset or feel angry.” Good for them. They are not you. You have a right to feel unhappy about the situation. Don’t let anyone shame you for the way you feel. Recognize the complex emotions for what they are rather than what others tell you they should be.

Unfortunately, you may not be able to change the situation. Most of the time, you have to accept it for what it is without letting your negative feelings overwhelm you.

If your parents give more money to your sibling, they will probably continue to do so. Unfortunately, once your brother or sister accepts your parents’ handouts, he or she will continue to ask for more. It’s incredibly difficult to break the circle of dependency once it begins.

If you are able to pay your bills, then the good news is that you don’t need your parents’ money. You made it on your own.

You can count the blessings in your life and focus on the positive things that surround you. Do you have a good relationship with your spouse or significant other? Are the people in your life healthy and strong?

How to Deal With Parents Who Favor Your Sibling

If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, consider seeking advice from a trained therapist or counselor. Professionals can provide tools and techniques to help you deal with parental favoritism.

It’s not easy to deal with parents who favor one child over another. It may be difficult to watch your parents provide handouts on a routine basis. Pain and resentment may grow with each passing gift.

Bitter feelings often arise when parents become a crutch for a sibling’s bad behavior. The angriest letters come from readers whose parents financially support a sibling.

A little money here or there seems reasonable, but when the sibling can no longer survive without those handouts, the anger builds. Readers become downright irate at the thought of their siblings spending their parents’ hard-earned money.

In these situations, it’s important to keep a calm mind and clear head. Take deep breaths and reflect on your thoughts and feelings before talking to any members of your family.

Remember that your words and actions may impact your future relationships. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it should not be taken lightly either. Make sure you can discuss the subject matter calmly and rationally if you do choose to speak up.

I know that this won’t make up for the injustice you feel, but the truth is you have little to no say in the matter. If your brother or sister is willing to put his or her hand out for money, your parents will continue to supply gifts.

This will probably continue for most, if not all, of their adult life. Since the situation is unlikely to go away, your best option is to do your best to look beyond it.

If you are unhappy with your current life, search for ways to make it better. Learn about financial independence and strive to pursue your goals independently.

Sibling Spending Parents’ Money

Will your sibling ever stop spending your parents’ money? Over time it will become extremely difficult for your brother or sister to grow strong and capable. With each financial handout, your parents destroy your sibling’s desire to work and succeed. Over time a dependency forms that cannot be broken.

It’s little consolation, but this family situation will provide you with incredible resilience. As your parents support your sibling, they weaken his or her resolve.

You, on the other hand, have no choice but to make it on your own. So you will dig deep within yourself to achieve greatness. In many cases, you will become more successful in life than your favored sibling.

You will end up with more friends and deeper relationships outside of your family. Determined to be a success, you will strive for feats your sibling will never take on.

It’s easy to become weak when you don’t have to work hard to achieve financial success on your own. Look the other way when your parents support your sibling financially. Be thankful that you can find the will and determination to stand on your own successfully.

How do you deal with financial unfairness? What can you do when you feel less supported by your parents than your siblings? How do you come to terms with parents who don’t treat each child equally?

I don’t have all of the answers. They depend on your family dynamic, your ability to speak openly with your parents, and your belief that things could change.

Take Pride in Your Success

Be thankful for all that you have accomplished in life. Look around at your successes, write them down, and read that list to yourself regularly. You are in control of your life and your finances. Pat yourself on the back for that, because many people are not in the same situation.

Recognize that your parents may continue to enable your sibling. As a result, your brother or sister may continue to make the wrong choices and to act carelessly at times. Talk to them if you feel it will help, but approach your conversation carefully. Recognize, in most instances; they don’t want your advice and most likely won’t change their ways.

Accept the discrepancies. Your parents are not keeping a ledger of payments or ensuring their estate plan levels the playing field. In reality, they may not be able to ‘even the score’ or divide their estate equally.

Don’t keep a scorecard or lay your hopes on receiving more money upon their death. That’s just creepy, plus for all, you know, they will outlive you. Don’t waste your time on this Earth waiting to see what happens when someone dies. Make peace with the situation as it stands right now!

I realize this is all easier said than done. Believe me, I do, but in time it does get better if you change your frame of mind. Once you know you can’t do anything about it, you can stop carrying the bitterness around with you. Sometimes therapy is the best way to address your resentment.

Sibling Harmony and Balance

I hope to provide equal gifts to my own children, but I really have no idea what their lives will entail. I plan to talk to them about financial decisions. My goal is to avoid hurt feelings and pain. I will discuss my thoughts and ensure that communication remains open as much as possible along the way.

My mom served as a great example for me. She tried her best to create harmony in our family. As children, neither of us suffered from emotional or physical hardships, which certainly made it easier to balance our needs.

Still, I don’t want to diminish my mom’s efforts. She split her time, attention, love, and money equally. As a mom of two children, I know that’s harder to accomplish than it sounds.

Unfortunately, this balance isn’t always easy to achieve. Family dynamics are complicated. Unresolved conflicts between siblings and parents can fester and grow well into adulthood. Add in the complexity of money, and the lines between love and loved ones can easily blur.

These negative feelings can persist as parents age and need financial support and long after they’re gone.

Sibling Balance: My Story

My own memory of familial balance came at the age of four or five.

“Am I your favorite?” I asked my mom as I climbed into her lap just before bedtime. I was sleepy from a long day of activities and in need of extra reassurance and love.

My mom’s expression grew soft. I paused quietly so she could answer. She looked down at me with her big brown eyes, pulled the hair away from my brow, and spoke without hesitation.

She didn’t have to ponder the question or think of an appropriate answer. “You know I love you and your brother equally,” she said. Her response felt like a simple fact, a truth that cannot be denied.

She gently cupped my face within her hands and planted a kiss upon my forehead. At that moment, I wholeheartedly believed her. To this day, I still do.

I hope one day, my children can say the same. I know we all do.

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Michelle

Wednesday 15th of June 2022

This article really hit home. I started the process of writing my mom, in her late 70s, a letter......very, very long letter about her showing favoritism towards my brother and some other things she did that deeply hurt me. It go to a point that my suppressed anger kept resurfacing and I knew that I needed to express everything to her. Because she gets angry, defensive and plays rhe victim when confronted about things that don't show her in a good light, I figured that the letter would be a good idea, no matter her reaction to it. I actually wish that I'd done it years ago. What do you thibk think about that method?

Here's my situation. My brother is the favored child......42 years old, college dropout, quit his job 14 years ago and has not worked since......YES, 14 YEARS UNEMPLOYED!!!......, never saved money when he did work, depends on my mom to buy everything for him, has always and still lives with my mom, gets an attitude if him getting a job is brought up and has serious anger issues in general. My mom lies to people to make them think that he is working. She even goes so far as to tell him to be quiet when she's on the phone during the day because she doesn't want people to hear him talking and wonder why he's not at a job that she makes them think he has.

Meanwhile, I'm the child who you described as the saver and maintains my lifestyle financially. I graduated from college, worked many jobs over the years that I hated just to save money and not rely on my mom. I was even able to save enough for times when I became unemployed and it carried me until another job came along. Also, I've driven the same beat up car for almost 2 decades and haven't had a vacation since 2006, all in the name of living within my means. I'm always striving for a higher paying job but until that comes, I'm fine with my low budget routine.

My issue with my mom being an enabler goes beyond her helping him financially. She has also always taken up for him when he's been angry and gotten physically aggressive with me and she is very lenient towards him for situations that she gave me hard times for over the years. Every time I feel like I've gotten over one of her favoritism acts towards my brother, she does another one and I'm triggered all over again. Here are just a few examples:

1) I begged to change schools when I was about 11 and attend a junior high and high school near where we lived. I had friends established there and it was a more diverse setting which would've allowed me to thrive more and showcase my personality. The school I was attending was the one she taught at, about 45 minutes from where we lived and I did not like it. I always had to hear students talking negatively about my mom, causing me to get into arguments with them or just ignore it and suppress those emotions. Anyway she would get angry and tell me to stop asking her to go to another school because me and my brother were going to graduate from that school district. I ended up graduating from there and guess where my brother ended up going? Yep, to the school that I begged her to go to for years. That was over 20 years ago and it still stings today.

2) She bought both of us used cars years ago, right after I graduated college. She set up a payment plan that we had to promise to stick to, in order to pay her back. I stuck to mine, paid for all repairs over the years and still have the vehicle today. My brother still has not paid her back and she never pressed him to. She also has paid for all of his car repairs and given him gas money, which has amounted to several thousand dollars, which he never paid back. Now she's even talking about him getting another used vehicle, with no job. I'm sure she'll have no problem being stupid once again and "help" him out.

3) She complained about her water and electric bill being high several times when I moved back temporarily. I was only there about 5 months because I was needed to help another elderly family member who lived nearby. I was not able to stay with him and my mom lives a few houses down from him. So I regrettably endured staying there with my mom and brother. During that time, she fussed about the water and electricity, telling me and my brother that we need to cut down on usage. Now I was only at her house to basically sleep and shower and the rest of the time I was away taking care of that elderly family member. Plus, I gave her money whike there to spend on whatever. Meanwhile, my unemployed brother was taking 2 or 3 showers a day, just to sit at home and watch TV all day. When I told her that she should direct that complaint towards my brother because he's the one sitting at home all day, using up electricity and water, she got extremely angry and defensive and took up for him. She said that he is looking for a job and made him out to be some sort of good guy. Then 2 days later, he was screaming at her because she asked him the whereabouts of something she had stored in the garage. Her reaction was not anything new. She complained about the water and electricity, even when I was NOT living there, and I'd give her some money to help her out. I haven't done that in years though because I see that she never nipped the REAL PROBLEM in the bud, which is enabling my brother and not taking accountability from doing so.

This was just a tip of the iceberg because there is so much more. I honestly developed a hatred towards her that won't go away. I know she will never change but all I wanted were answers the few times I did confront her this. But she did her usual by getting angry, defensive and then playing the victim. So I will send this letter to her as my final method of standing up for myself. To sweeten the pot and just in case she doesn't read everything or doesn't respond, I started the letter by letting her know that all issues outlined have been discussed with family members or will be discussed with them. I know how she likes to sweep things under the rug and doesn't want people to know. So seeing that as the intro will let her know that even if she doesn't read everything or thinks she can put me down for it and no one will know, that isn't the case anymore. Everyone will know whether she likes it or not. Maybe then, she will see how deeply her brushing me off or downplaying my feelings over the years really affected me. I know it's a dirty game but at this point, I don't care about her feelings anymore because she did not care about my mine.

Bella Stephens

Monday 30th of May 2022

It’s so unfair we only ever want time & love. We’ve always worked hard & proudly provided for ourselves. My husband parents constantly bail out brother in law. They put spending time with friends before family so we get neither time not money. Meanwhile his brother is spending excess on booze, alcohol & paying his girlfriend’s divorce after affair. My blood boils as my parents put family & fairness before all else as would I.

Cookie

Monday 11th of April 2022

I have read all of the comments, but would love feedback on my situation. My parents divorced over fifty years ago. Both have remarried. My father had another child with his wife. This half-sister is 27 years younger than me. I am now in my early sixties. My dad is in his mid eighties. My father worked hard at his business, and is extremely wealthy. The half-sister has been the recipient of his financial success (think trips to Europe, Ivy League education, extravagant vacations, apartment rent paid for in a major US city, etc.). I have had a comfortable life, and am currently a widow. I do not need to work and will have enough money to live on for the rest of my life. From time to time my dad has given me some money (about $1,500/year) for birthdays and holidays, and has done the same for my two other sisters that he is the father. My dad has also been my financial advisor over the years and there is no doubt his expertise has increased my portfolio since I was widowed almost four years ago. Since my half sister was born, his involvement with my sisters and myself has declined. He barely knows any of his six grandchildren and rarely asks about them. We live in different cities, and I understand that his attention is/has been focused on my half sister. (P.S.-his wife has nothing to do with me and my siblings). He is not a bad or mean guy at all. I'm struggling with his lack of interest in my life and his grandchildren's lives, plus that he seems oblivious that when he talks about all that he does financially for his youngest daughter is hurtful. On the one hand, I know I have been blessed to not have to worry about money; however, it's hard for me to hear about what he does for the half sister for which I have guessed to be around $100,000 a year. She is thirty-four and not married but has a solid career. Today I was asking for some financial advice, and he basically told me that I should be working with another broker instead of helping me. I know he is brilliant when it comes to investments, and I'm quite sure he is still managing his own finances, as well as my half sisters. He loves managing money and still does this for a few wealthy clients. I have never said anything to him about the difference in how he treats me and my sisters differently than my half sister when it comes to money. Yes, we are all adults and have done well for ourselves. I just don't know if it's worth my while to point out how differently he treats us emotionally and financially. Like many have noted on this site, it IS his money to do with what he wants. I have been a good daughter over the years to him and he visits me twice a year and stays with me. My question is: Do I tell him I don't want to hear about how he helps my half sister? And that he hurt my feelings by not continuing to assist me in managing my investments? Or am I spinning my wheels and need to lower my expectations? Thanks for having this forum to allow me to express myself. It helps just to put things down in writing.

Anonymous teen

Sunday 2nd of January 2022

My 2 brothers and I still live with my parents. We are all teenagers. I remember not too long ago, I found out that my parents were giving my brothers an allowance. When I found out, I was really upset and it turned into a really big argument. My parent's reasoning was that they didn't need to give me an allowance because I would do my chores anyway. It turns out that everyone knew about this and was careful not to let me know about it. I just don't understand how it was worth the effort to not give me about 3 dollars a week. I'm pretty sure that they had stopped after that, since my brothers messed up my stuff for about 2 weeks. I haven't done my chores since, except for taking care of our cats. My brothers don't either, so my parents will have to figure out that problem on their own. Later, we were putting in sprinklers and we had to dig trenches. I found out that my brothers were getting paid about 50 dollars per section. They had done 2 sections together and I had done 2 sections by myself. After that, again, my parents stopped after a huge argument. Their reasoning this time was that they really wanted to rent a cool car. Not like I'm saving up for college or anything. They had to rent a machine to dig the trenches because, again, no one would do it. They kept telling me that im part of this family so i should help out. My brothers earned 50 dollars each and I got nothing.

One Frugal Girl

Monday 3rd of January 2022

I'm sorry you are going through this. As you can see in the previous comments you are not alone. It's good you've spoken to your parents and that they stop providing handouts when you talk to them. Do you think you could tell them that you would like to get the same gifts your brothers receive? How do you think they would react to that if you asked? Sometimes children can talk to their parents and other times they can't. Only you know if you can have an honest conversation with them without creating more turmoil in your relationship. I do wish you the best. Thank you for leaving a comment for others to read. It helps other readers know they are not alone either.

Jacqueline

Saturday 18th of September 2021

My mother did everything for my brother gave him free place to live and used car. She encouraged him to get job but he could never keep one. If he didn’t get what he wanted he threatened to burn her house down so she caved in gave him what he wanted. He spent his entire life living in her house, living off her income and never paying bill. He proudly state he took care of the lawn. By age 90 she had dementia refused to leave him and even when sister and I begged her to live with one of us. She passed away at 95 in nursing home that my sister and had to pay for because her income would not cover it. She changed her will and gave her house to my brother. Actually signed it over in the nursing home to him. My sister and I had to pay for the funeral because my brother refused to do anything. Three years have past and my brother is asking my sister and myself for money to pay taxes on mother’s house that he is owner. I’m dealing with so much angry and emotional guilt over this. Although I don’t want him to lose the house but at the same time I do not want to become his enabler. I feel like I’m a bad person for not helping my brother. However, I know my brother he will keep asking for more once I give him money. Any advice?

One Frugal Girl

Monday 27th of September 2021

Oh Jacqueline, this is a hard story to read. It sounds like your mom's enabling made your brother incapable of supporting himself and now he cannot afford the home your mom left him. Have you talked to your sister? It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart talk with both of your siblings. If you help him out this time will you need to help him every time from now on or can he change his ways and support himself if you help him?