What do you do when someone gives you a gift you don’t like?
Every Christmas we inevitably receive a bunch of gifts we don’t want to keep. Sometimes we receive a gift slip in the box, but more often then not we have no way of returning the item we received. In fact, many times we don’t even know where the gift was purchased.
How to Tell Someone You Don’t Like Their Gift
When I was growing up my mom had a rule about gift giving. If she gave us a gift we didn’t like she asked that we let her know so that she could return it.
She absolutely hated the idea of wasting good money by purchasing something that would hang unworn in our closet or that would end up in a box headed directly for the donation center.
Over the years I’ve openly told her to take back anything that didn’t fit or simply wasn’t my style.
This is in direct contrast to the way my husband’s family works. In his family you never tell the gift giver that you don’t like something they purchased.
Unfortunately this often results in receiving the same unwanted item year after year. It’s not the gift givers fault. I believe they assume you like the gift since you never told them otherwise. In fact, I’ve seen family members feign excitement over a gift they’ll never use.
What to Do When You Get a Gift You Don’t Like
So what’s the rule in your family? Do you tell the gift giver that you don’t like a gift or do you smile and accept it without saying a word?
If you keep the gift what do you do with it? Do you attempt to return it without a receipt, list it on eBay, donate it or re-gift it? Have you ever thought of telling the gift giver you wanted to return the item for a different size, style, etc? How do you tell someone you don’t like their gift?
I personally hate the idea of wasting money on an item someone doesn’t want. I wish every one close to me would tell me the truth, (in a tactful manner), even if that meant every single gift I bought was returned.
What do you think? Would you be offended if someone told you they wanted to return the gift you gave them?
**NOTE** – It seems I should have been clearer in this post. I am specifically talking about close family members. For example, children, parents or spouses.
I am in no way implying that you should make a comment about gifts you receive from classmates, friends, neighbors, etc.
In those cases you should certainly smile and say thank you. I learned that lesson as a very small child. In fact, you shouldn’t make comments to anyone about a gift unless you know they will be receptive to it. (Like in the case of my own mom.)
Give a gift card if you want insurance they’ll get what they want. I don’t like they lead to the most creative gifts but it’s something. I think knowing the recipient is what counts. I think it’s not so nice to tell someone you don’t like what they gave them but that’s just me.
Do you think it’s not nice to tell anyone? Like not your spouse, mom, etc. Should you stay silent with all gift givers?
We do secret santa every year with my spouse extended family. After the gift exchange one of his aunts who was my secret santa called me over to sit next to her to ask me where I got the gift from becuase she would like to exchange it because she does not like the color gold. It was a cross bag purse with very lil gold and small gold hair pins. I said I know it may not be your style but maybe you can find something to wear it with. Try something different. Again she proceeded to that she does not wear gold as of she is some how against it. It would be one thing if I bought her a pair of pants and becuase of religious convictions she does not wear pants but it was a purse and small hair pins. Any ways. She ask if I can send her the information to exchange it for something she does like so that it would not be just sitting at her home not being used. She tells me to please dont feel bad and I did not say this but my thoughts are why would I feel bad for mistakenly giving you a gift you do not like. I’m not offended. This is a reflection of her NOT ME. I will make a mental note and never give her gold again. But also if she is my secret santa again she may only get cash so that I’m not lectured in front of the family about her likes and dislikes again. After all it’s a gift.
Thank you for your comment. There is definitely a protocol for talking to people about gifts and telling you in front of the rest of the family is certainly not appropriate in my book. Some families do set rules before running Secret Santa gift exchanges. They ask up front for gift slips and let everyone know that exchanges are okay. If your group didn’t decide this upfront your aunt probably should’ve said, “Thank you,” and left it at that.
I’ve thought about this a lot because as your kids get older, you have to teach them how to respond when they open gifts. We have taught our kids to always act like they like a gift and say Thank You immediately whether they like it or not. I understand your points but I think telling the gift giver that you don’t like a gift is almost impossible to do in a way that would not offend most people.
Tamara – I completely agree with your comment about what to teach your children. I should have clarified in my post. I’m specifically talking about close family members, not friends, extended family, classmates, etc. Would you want your children to tell you they don’t like a gift or just smile and pretend that they do?
I think that the system you have with your mom is great. She was clear on what she wants and you do that. But I don’t tell my mom that I don’t like gifts she gives me, because I think that would upset her. As for my kids, I think my husband and I are the only ones they should tell if they don’t like it, not other close family members.
I’m glad you returned to leave a follow up comment. Not everyone is receptive to comments about gifts they purchase and of course we all need to be understanding of that fact. In fact, I’m sure my mom is an exception to this rule. That’s what made me write this post in the first place. I do want my son to grow up with the same model. If he doesn’t like something I buy I would actually like him to tell me. Especially if it’s an expensive gift that will never be worn, used, etc. I suppose I want to follow in my mom’s footsteps in that regard. I do tell my niece, nephew, husband, brother and parents to do the same. Before they open a gift they know to tell me if they don’t like it. I don’t know if any of my family members have ever told me they don’t want something I bought them, but I always put that on the table just in case they don’t. In fact, maybe they don’t tell me because despite my words they think it would be impolite. Also, I want my son to say thank you regardless of whether or not he likes the gift. I always tell my mom thank you even when I decide to return something she bought me.
Thanks again for commenting!
In my family, we’ve always told each other, in a nice way, if we don’t like a gift we’ve received. But usually not right away (i.e., after opening a gift); we usually wait a week or two before saying something. It may be a little disappointing if someone didn’t like or need my gift, but I appreciate the honesty because it helps me pick out better gifts for that person in the future.
The thing that irritates me the most is that we receive the same gifts year after year. I’m totally with you on this one. If you are honest about the gifts you receive the gift giver can pick out something you’d like better the next time around! Oh I’m so glad to see I’m not the only one.
Thanks for the comment!
I am in my 50’s and my mom was the same as yours. I raised my children to only tell me if something was not liked and always kept it a secret to the giver if the gift was returned. However, for the past 25 years, I have received gifts from my husband that were 1. bought the night before, 2. expensive for our budget, 3. not something I would EVER use. (such as dressy jewelry or clothing that is no where near my style). I have asked, for every birthday since I can remember, for some sort of home improvement. I love my house and love to spruce it up. Whether it be flowers for the garden, house cleaner, new paint etc… I have returned gifts, given them away or just stored them away. I get more than disappointed every time. Even angry! So I guess my comment is, don’t tell, because if you do and it doesn’t resolve the continuous bad gift giving, it may cause angry and hurt feelings on YOUR part!
I love the honesty of this comment. It’s interesting how your disappointment turned into actual anger when the gift was not desired and the request to stop such gifts was completely ignored. I had not considered this feeling when I originally wrote this post, but it is certainly worth considering. It’s also very sad that a loving family member would not take the time to listen to your thoughts. It takes a joyous event, (gift giving), and turns it very sour. Thank you for the comment!
I had come back from school when my mom told there is surprise for you…i thought it was a headphone as I was taking about it for a few weeks . I had recently found out an awesome Bluetooth headphones but what i got was some poor looking wired headphone. I wanted headphone so that I could not have to manage the wire and the headphone which i had shortlisted was shown to my sis the day before yet she chose the wrong headphones.my headphones were cool looking byt this looks like hell.i want the one i expected not this one how do i tell
I’m here because I searched “what do you do when, someone gives you a gift you dont like?”
How I got here.
Well my boyfriend that I’ve been with for about 9 years now, has gotten me a few terrible gifts.
I’m thankful for the thought behind the gifts of course but they are usually are clothes that are not my style or not the correct size. Us being a couple as long as we have, he can tell when I dont like something or when I lie.
He instantly gets angry with me before I even get the chance to even thank him for the gift.
Or notices that i dont ever wear them and picks a fight with me over it.
He said I’m ungrateful and that i dont ever like anything he gets me. I dont know what i should do without it causing a argument between us.
I think it’s incredibly difficult to buy women’s clothing. I have a hard time finding items for myself, let alone picking them out for someone else. It sounds like your boyfriend often buys you clothing. Could you suggest buying something other than clothing that is easier to pick out for someone else? Or possibly picking out gifts together? What if you both go to the store together, try the clothes on and then he presents them as a gift? Or maybe you could give him hints about the things you really like. Leave pictures out or magazine clippings so he can get a better sense of what you like. Do you think that would help?
Oh my, loved reading these comments. I think I may have upset my mother in law by telling her a clothes gift she bought my son was unsuitable. He is 8 years old and has his own style. His grandma seems to just not of taken any notice of what he likes which is the most upsetting thing. I also don’t want her to keep wasting her money. I now wish I hadn’t said anything
Oh my, yes tread carefully when talking to in-laws about gifts. As I mentioned in this post I would never say anything to my mother-in-law. My husband’s family doesn’t want to know if you like a gift or not. I hope you can smooth things over. It might help to get your 8 year old son to point out what he likes instead of having you speak up 😉 I often tell my children to speak directly to their grandparents. Don’t ask them to say what they don’t like. At a non-gift giving time just have them point out the things they do enjoy. Good luck