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Unequal Financial Handouts: Would You Turn Down a Gift From Your Parents?

I received quite a few comments and emails after writing my last post What Do You Think: Unequal Financial Handouts From Parents. Many readers felt that the situation was unfair, that the younger, less driven sibling should not receive additional gifts from his parents and that the more successful brother was being penalized for his accomplishments.

One reader sent me an email that said, “It would be difficult to turn down a gift from my parents. Why would I want to turn free money away?” This is an interesting question and I can certainly answer it from my own point of view.

First of all, in my experience free money is rarely free. There are usually strings attached in one form or another. If your parents bought you a house they may set rules on how it should be maintained, they may get angry when your children roughhouse on the furniture they purchased or when walls and floors are damaged. They may feel like they have liberties to offer suggestions and even make changes to your home without your permission. They may hire contractors and lead them through your home to investigate changes when you aren’t around.

In the example of parents buying a house there may be many bumps along the road. What happens if you want to make improvements on the house? What if they don’t like the decisions you make? What happens when you decide to sell your home? Will they now tell you where to buy your next house or tell you that the new neighborhood you choose is not suitable for their tastes? What if they think you are selling at the wrong time, for example your family expands, but market prices are low?

They may also hold this gift over you. This may make you feel like you need to visit with them more often, agree in conversations where you clearly have differing opinions or allow them to hold a greater control over general decisions in your life.

When my husband and I first looked at beach properties my in-laws offered to loan us some money to buy our second home. My husband was eager to own a property and would have taken his parents up on his offer, but I politely refused. Given our circumstances we certainly were NOT in need of a beach house and I did not want to become indebted to anyone.

I believed we should fund the home through our own means and if we could not wrangle enough money for the down-payment and monthly mortgage payments then we should not own. I held true to that belief and my husband now agrees that this decision was the best one we could have made.

At the root of it I suppose I simply have a very different perspective on taking things from people. Right or wrong I want to make it on my own.

Amy B

Sunday 21st of April 2013

I'm an only child. But I turn down gifts often. I've tried for years to get no christmas gifts from parents (atleast we've reached a low limit). I'm in a better financial situation than them. I don't need their money and don't want it.

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Monday 1st of April 2013

[...] While it’s always nice to hear from readers who agree with my posts there is nothing I love more than finding an intelligent reader with a different point of view. I received an interesting response to a recent post in which I asked readers whether or not they would turn down a financial gift from their parents. [...]

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Tuesday 26th of March 2013

[...] comments on last week’s posts: What Do You Think: Unequal Financial Handouts From Parents and Unequal Financial:Handouts Would You Turn Down a Gift From Your Parents? I appreciate the honesty and sincerity in your words. I wanted to leave a few last remarks on the [...]

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Sunday 24th of March 2013

[...] week I asked my readers if they would accept a gift from their parents. I wrote the post after learning of a friend who is about to receive a beach home from his folks. I [...]

Candice

Friday 22nd of March 2013

My husband and I had the same argument when my parents offered to loan us money to use as a down payment and/or repairs for a home we were considering. My husband did NOT want to accept the loan at first. He eventually agreed but we did not end up buying the home, so we never borrowed the money. After that sale fell through, we only looked at homes that we could afford on our own without the loan. We eventually bought one without any help. So I definitely get both viewpoints.