After weeks of working long days and even longer nights I thought for sure that my boss would reward me with a stellar year end review. Despite a chaotic project, with ridiculous deadlines and serious personality issues, I’ve made significant progress on a technical level and thought my hard work would pay off with a solid year end rating. It turns out that I could not have been more wrong.
I have a definite type-A personality at work. I work as hard as I can to produce the best products for my company and expect to be kindly rewarded for my efforts. Unfortunately, management teams do not always feel the same way I do. After a recent conversation with upper-level management I got the clear impression that my hard work will not be acknowledged this year.
The reasons for a bad rating usually have much less to do with the work I produce and much more to do with the he-said, she-said organization under which I work. I’ve worked here long enough to know this and yet somehow I’m still surprised by the decisions of my management chain.
So what do I think about all of this and where do I go from here?
Strangely enough, I feel an enormous sense of relief. The late nights and personality conflicts have taken their toll on me and I can’t imagine working under such self-imposed pressure for the duration of this project. To put it bluntly, I am burned out.
I have a lot of health issues and sitting in a desk for hours on end is the last thing I should be doing. If I’m not going to be rewarded for my efforts then there is absolutely no point in continuing to work in this manner. I’m better off putting in eight hours and then calling it a day. To be honest, it’s better for me mentally and physically.
In fact, I’m unbelievably upset with myself for forgoing health and happiness in favor of an organization that could honestly care less about my efforts.
I see this new found knowledge of my year end rating as a blessing in disguise. It’s time for me to finally accept the organization I work under, to realize that my hard work will probably not pay off and that my life and health are more important than this job anyway.