Who pays for dinner when you dine out with your family?
Every few weeks or so my husband and I meet my parents for dinner at a restaurant half-way between their house and ours. We typically eat at low-to-mid range restaurants, like Red Robin or Macaroni Grill and the typical meal ranges in the $10 – $15 range. Most of the time we split the bill in half. While my parents don’t always allow us to pay, we do offer money every time we go out.
Who Pays for Dinner with Your Girlfriend’s Parents?
My husband will always offer to pay when we go out to dinner with my parents. He’s been doing this since we first started dating and the pattern hasn’t stopped just because we’ve been married for a few years.
He believes it’s always important to share or even pay the entire bill. If my parents want to pay they decline his offer, but he will always present his credit card as a gesture of good will.
Who Pays for Dinner with Parents?
While we pay our fair share when my husband and I are out together, it’s a totally different story when I go out with my parents alone. If my parents take me out to lunch or dinner without my husband I almost never pay. This is in part because I don’t always offer and also because when I do offer I’m usually refused.
My dad is retired and my mom works a part-time, relatively low paying job, so I like to contribute more when we go out together. After all my husband and I are actively employed and combined we make more than a decent living.
So every time I go out with my parents I’m torn. On one hand I know that they love to take care of me and provide for me. On the other hand I know that I can afford the meal much better than they can.
So what do you think? Do you think I should take control of the bill and pay more often or continue to allow my parents to pay for me? It’s not a lot of money and we don’t go out together often, but I don’t want to impose on my parents and at the same time I don’t want to pay if that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Every time I offer they say, “we’re so happy to be with you. we love you. we want to pay for you.” I guess the question is whether or not I should let them.
Who Pays for Dinner with Family?
I asked a group of friends for their suggestions and created a list of their answers below:
- The youngest party always pays for the eldest. In this case the kids always pay for their parents.
- The oldest party always pays for the youngest. In this case the parents always pay for the kids.
- Both parties always split the bill. This can involve splitting it equally or paying for what you ordered. Among family it usually makes sense to split the bill evenly, but if you tend to have a relative who orders extravagant meals then you may choose to pay only for what you ordered.
- Each family takes turns. One time the kids pay for the bill and the next time the parents cover the tab. This can get tricky because you have to keep track of who paid. You also have to account for the difference between restaurants. After all, one restaurant might cost a whole lot more than another. It helps if you let the paying party choose where they want to eat, because they can choose how much they want to spend.
- Traditionally, whichever family member creates the invitation pays. So technically, if your mom and dad ask you out to dinner, they are expected to pay for your meal. Does that mean they should? Of course not. If you can afford to pay, you should offer to do so.
Who Pays for Dinner When Parents Meet?
Lastly, when our parents first met my husband and I offered to pay for the entire meal ourselves. Since we were hosting the get-together it seemed reasonable for us to pay. These days we tend to split the bill evenly when both families dine together. We don’t itemize each item. We simply spilt the bill into thirds and each pay an equal share.
My mother raised 3 children by herself. She gave us love and laughter but money was really tight. One of my greatest joys is being able to take my adult daughter to lunch and treat her – even though she can pay herself. It's something my mother would have loved to be able to do. Accept the gift graciously; that will be your gift to your mother.
Agree with anonymous. I'm sure they appreciate that you are on your own now, taking care of yourself. Maybe paying for a meal is one way that they get to feel like they are still taking care of you a little bit, esp. since they don't make a lot of money and can't do grand gestures. š
As long as your parents aren't the sort to throw the meal back in your face, I would accept what they are telling you at face value, and let them pay!
My parents always pay, but they are in a better financial situation than I am. And I'm not married. If they are happy to pay and you know they're being honest, let them. Just reciprocate nice gestures somehow else.
You should let them pay, because it appears to genuinely make them happy. If you are worried about what it means to their finances, keep track of the cost and either start a "Mom and Dad Rainy Day" savings account, or find some way to give it back for birthdays or Christmas. My husband is an only child and his parents give us money every time we visit. There is polite way to refuse, so we take the money and set it aside in case they need it back one day.
NO polite way, I meant!
We play the game of who can grab the check first! My parents don't ever want us to pay, but we want to treat them. When my mom and I go out, we just take turns paying.
I like Nicole's idea! But if that's not an option, I'd still at least offer most of the time. Your parents do seem to genuinely enjoy taking you out, but I have an overactive guilt complex.
I believe they genuinely mean it, but you could also just grab the bill and if they protest say, I know you're really happy being with me. And I'm really happy to get to treat you guys sometimes!
I'm sure your parents like to pay and wouldn't do it if it were a hardship. So don't worry too much. Still, I'm sure they love that you do offer to pay sometimes.
When we go out with MIL and step-FIL, they always pay. It offends my MIL if we try to pay, but we still always offer. Her belief is that parents take care of kids no matter what. Our FIL is another story. He'll invite us to dinner, never pays and never offers to pay.
When we go out with my parents, they always pay. I don't even think we offer anymore, but we usually do offer to leave a tip. Sometimes they take us up on it, sometimes not.
When we go out with my in-laws, it's hit or miss. Unless one of them says "hey, let's go out to eat, my treat", it's usually understood that we'll split it.
I agree with the consensus that it's best to just let them, because it seems as if it's something they genuinely want to do. That's the realization I've come to as well, I used to have a really hard time letting my parents pay for the things they do and now I just have a sort of hard time.
Thanks for all of your thoughts on this topic. I'll continue to offer payment, but I'll definitely succumb more quickly and ultimately let them cover the cost whenever we go out to eat. They really do seem to enjoy paying for their little girl.