Here’s a question for you…
The other day a woman stood in the return merchandise line at Target with an overflowing cart of baby items. When she reached the cashier she explained that many of the items were duplicates from her registry and that she’d like to return them. The cashier struck up a conversation with the woman and mid-way through the conversation the woman admitted that she’d simply rather have a Target gift card than a cart full of cute baby clothes, blankets and other associated baby items. She told the cashier that she was returning nearly 90% of the items she received from her baby shower.
The cashier was intrigued and began probing the woman with a whole bunch of questions. Ultimately, the woman explained that new babies don’t need that much stuff. She said she was happy with the basics which included a few onesies, diapers, wipes and a baby sling, but she knew that her family and friends wanted to throw her a shower and she knew she couldn’t ask them all for money. So she created a registry at a place she likes to shop with the full intention of returning just about everything she received.
She picked Target because she can buy baby supplies like diapers and wipes when necessary, but also because it’s place where she can pick up other household items like groceries. I hate to admit it, but I eavesdropped on their entire conversation. I was extremely intrigued by her thought process.
When I got married nearly five years ago I considered not registering for gifts because my husband and I simply didn’t need much other stuff in our lives. Eventually friends and family convinced me to create a registry. They rightly assumed that people would buy us things and that they might as well buy us things I actually liked and wanted.
I suppose most bride and grooms and parents-to-be really want cash and gift cards in place of household and baby items they may or may not want or need. I can see why the woman wanted the flexibility to purchase what she wants, when she wants it, but at the same time it’s sad to think that her friends and family went out and purchased items she fully intended to return.
So what do you think? Do you think it’s wrong to create a registry with the full intention of returning 90% of the items you receive?
Pam says
This is why I ALWAYS give wipes and diapers as baby gifts!
Jerry says
That is a strange situation. And, I don't know how this woman won't be found out. 90% of her stuff? Won't people notice when her child has NOTHING that anyone has bought her? When we had our baby people were on the lookout for their special item that they chose to buy you. People want to feel appreciated for their time and effort. I'm a bit put off by her disingenuineness. The fact that she didn't have anyone that she could tell or express what her true needs were is strange and sad to me. I feel bad for her friends and family. If she truly needs groceries and household supplies why can't she let them know that? I think it will lead people to be suspicious of her. When you have a registry there's no insurance you'll get everything but whatever you do get should be appreciated because YOU said you wanted it!
Jerry
so alaurable says
That's too bad that she couldn't tell those she was closest to that a gift card would be more helpful. (I am surprised that Target let her return that much stuff. I read reviews when choosing which places to create a wedding registry because I heard they had a bad return policy.) I don't think if she was intending on returning most everything that she should have gone that route.
Like you, when I got married I had a difficult time with the wedding registry, because cash and gift cards really would have been more helpful – I could buy things on sale as I discovered I needed them. I ended up returning some things later, which I felt bad abount. At the time though, people kept telling me I needed more things on it, and I added things that after the fact I realized I didn't actually need.
But I also understand that people want to buy cute gifts for weddings and baby showers. I wish there was a ranking mechanism on registries (like they have on Wishpot) – is that tacky? At least that way you'd know what the recipient most wants, vs. something that would be nice to have.
mapgirl says
ok. maybe it's b/c I come from a culture where cash is the primary present. But this is disgusting. I mean it's a COMPLETE waste of money if people had stuff shipped to her house. That is lost postage to the gift giver.
If I ever found out a friend did this to me, I wouldn't speak to them again. I'd rather just give them a check if that's what they really wanted and I'd be horribly offended that my friend couldn't be honest.
Jane says
This is a tough one. I can easily see both sides. I hate to say it but a few years into my marriage several wedding gifts went to Goodwill because they had never seen the light of day and we have such limited storage place in our apartment. I guess being able to return is better than that. My thought is that she should have waited to return as "not needed." Return the 3 mo clothes you didn't get to wear before they were outgrown.
Kate@LivingTheFrugalLife says
I can see her viewpoint, but I agree that it creates waste for the giftgivers – wasted time, effort, and postage. Not to mention a waste of her time returning the stuff she never wanted in the first place. I think our culture makes it very difficult for people to either ask for or give cash or cash equivalents as gifts. If you ask for cash, you seem greedy and crass. If you offer cash, then there's the issue of the person knowing exactly how much money you thought would be an appropriate gift. It may amount to the same with a registry, but there's at least a thin cloaking of the dollar value.
Personally, I try to give cash to newlyweds or new parents, because honestly that's what would have been most useful to me. If I can't do that, then I will pick something from a registry, or simply ask the person directly what would be most useful. Sometimes people will tell you, other times the cultural prohibitions interfere.
Abigail says
I think it's wrong. If she were exchanging gifts, that would be one thing. But to register for baby items, just to return it for gift cards for her own use? That's just weird and kind of unethical.
The gifts are supposed to be in relation to the baby. If someone just gives you a gift card at a baby shower, I suppose you are free to use it. But this woman was returning baby items so she could get whatever she wanted.
Ugh.
Amanda says
I wish it was more socially acceptable to simply be able to come out and say "look, money would be most appropriate present so we could buy our own essentials for the baby/wedding/whatever". If it was, that woman simply wouldn't have had the problem.
One Frugal Girl says
Although I understand the woman's desire for cash and gift cards, her actions just seem greedy.
If she really didn't want gifts it seems like she could have asked for contributions to charity or even donated the items she received to help a family in need.
I guess the real question is what is the intention of the gift? To me the intention is to celebrate the birth of the baby. Not to buy the woman groceries for the next month.
While I don't see a problem with returning a few items from the registry I am surprised that she intentionally created a registry with the full intention of returning everything on it.
pidgeon92 says
Why not just register for the things you really need? You can register for diapers and other essentials. As a gift-giver, I would be perfectly happy to purchase these items.
Renee says
I don't have a problem with this lady buying groceries with her baby gift card. Diapers may be on sale at Walgreens the week chicken is on sale at Target. So she uses baby gift card for groceries and grocery money for diapers. It's all a wash in the end.
Anonymous says
oh wow, this totally strikes a chord. i am having a baby soon and luckily this time (vs wedding registry), i actually managed to register just for necessities. luckily since we don't know what we're having, we haven't gotten a ton of cute but unnecessary clothes, and people have bought off the registry. i appreciate the sentiment that a gift is to celebrate the baby, and i'm so thankful for the thought, but honestly i need what i need and i don't have a problem returning things that i won't use. i have no problem with the woman's plan. i do agree that it's wasteful, but i think it's the lesser of the evils of waste: she could keep everything she got but resent it (b/c if it were me, i would totally resent using cute stuff that i know cost more than basics), or she could take the gift, thank the giver for the SENTIMENT and TIME (which really is what matters, i think), and use the money for things she felt were most useful. to me this is a win-win.
as a giver, if i buy something on the registry, i think i'm buying something that is useful. i'm not necessarily invested in what it is because you want to give something useful. i would have no problem with someone returning something i got them from the registry if they decided something else was more important.
i could go on…i have really strong opinions about gifts! basically the bottom line for me is that it's not about the gift at all, but about the sentiment. what i do with the gift itself doesn't matter as long as the sentiment is appreciated.
Anonymous says
This takes some serious chutzpah. But honestly, if a friend did this with my gift, I wouldn't care at all.
I have two small kids and do often return gifts of clothing for things that fit better or are more practical. I figure that the gift giver intends my kids to wear the clothes, so it isn't a big deal if I exchange.
But returning baby blankets and buying, say, potato chips? That does seem … odd.
marci says
Honestly, I've heard of some of my friends doing exactly this. Maybe not 90% of the items they registered for, but going to Target specifically because the items can be returned for a gift card. I wouldn't mind someone taking back any of my gifts to them, I do think it's a little weird to register for something and then return it for the cash, but to each their own.
qixx ttxl says
On our wedding registry we only registered for the things we actually needed. about 20% gave cash. about 5% got something off the registry. about 5% gave gift cards (to places we did not register). the remaining 70% got things that we did not want/need at places unknown that will sit in the garage until we re-gift them, give them to goodwill, or throw them out.
i now plan to do this for the baby registry with the hope that the stuff we don't want/need will at least come off the registry so we can return it.